this post was submitted on 16 Oct 2026
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My partner was saying how it seems like most men cant look at a woman without also thinking about sex with them.
Idk how true that is but it might explain some of the anger towards trans women. Since men cant just think about them, men also have to think about having sex with them, and since so many men are extremely homophobic and dont consider trans women to be women, that would make them gay. And being being considered gay is worse than anything else in the world.
TL:DR Most men cant help but think about bangin' trans women and they think that makes them gay. Which is a fate worse than death for them.
I don't know how other men are but generally when I see someone (of any genre) there's like an automatic evaluation - not in words or conscious - that flags like "are they a threat? Are they hot?" and a bunch of other stuff. It's just part of the "what am I looking at?" reflex in the brain.
But I don't, like, linger on it. Don't play out in my head what sex would be like, or how to defend myself if they pulled a knife, or whatever.
To make a computer metaphor, some attributes are eagerly loaded and others lazily. I think attractiveness is eagerly loaded.
Also I'm comfortable enough not to feel threatened by finding people attractive.
I had a friend that, when talking about this, seemed like their brain didn't eagerly load the same things. They didn't "know" if someone was hot until they thought about it, and were confused how that information was just there for me.
My brain operates only on "are they a threat", and within that is "are they a friend". I can name only a handful of people I find attractive if I'm pressed, but it's always on a "this human is art" level.
I'm aroace, though, which likely is why I don't evaluate people for hotness
What dat mean, aroace
Aromantic asexual, not feeling / feeling little romantic and sexual arraction towards other people.
Huh, makes sense. Thanks for explaining
My other theory is that these people base their whole lives on conformity. The second they see people doing things outside the norm, and which bring them some semblance of joy, they get pissed off knowing that they are too weak to break out of the mold and be happy, too.
In reality, it’s a combination of many of these kinds of things. A LOT of anger often comes from sadness, and boy do these people hate letting themselves be happy.
You might be on to something there. The frustration of cognitive dissonance can manifest as anger if people don't know how to process it.
As a man I feel that way sometimes, sex is always on my mind. But like, if I look at a woman I'm not attracted to I just ... don't want to have sex with them. They're still a person who I can have platonic interactions with. Same for the vast majority of women who I would like to have sex with who don't feel the same way about me. I think this is the part the misogynist/transphobic dudes struggle with, they can't get over themselves. For me the sexual thoughts are more often annoying than anything else and they're only one part of the "whole" that I think about women.
Ahhh! I like cocks! - them, probably