this post was submitted on 22 Jan 2026
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[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 2 points 1 month ago

Trump's.... This is it? Of all the billions and billions and trillions of star systems and I only get to fuck up this one tiny blue dot in one of them? Who made this universe? I want to demand that he or she, but mostly he give me more planets to fuck up. He doesn't deserve all knowledge about all planets with living life in them!......

40 days and 40 nights later....

Anyway, so a big Jesus comes to me. Big fellow, crying, very burly. He comes to me and says. He says, Mr president, says. He. He says to me. To me. He says. Mr president. Crying the big burly fellow. And remember, its jesus. I found him. Well some would say he found me. Yeah I locked him up. Told him to not be a little bitch and give us, give me more planets. He says to me. I told him I'd release him if he give us more planets. Its up to him really, if he wants to free himself. He says Mr. President, I'm here to now the lawn. I says not now mother effer! I always say it like that, I coined, well I 100 dollar billed the phrase "mother effer". Not now, because I was never given my pace price I want more planets. I'll be their acting president. I'm what you call a good actor, a great actor actually. Don't know if you watched but there's a little thing called "home alone too" and star in that movie. I deliver the most wonderful dialogue. I says. So jesus, he's at the detainment facility. He's a bad hombres, won't give us planets!