this post was submitted on 22 Jan 2026
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United States | News & Politics

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If Bovino can't pee because people keep telling him off for kidnapping 5 year olds to use as bait and breaking down doors without warrants, that's a good thing.

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[–] IntrovertTurtle@lemmy.zip 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

If it were up to me, every single one of them would be strapped to a table with a feeding tube. Then a machine would pull 3 bars equipped with (in order) a sheet of extra coarse sandpaper, shaving blades, and isopropyl alcohol, loopwhile.

First, the sandpaper would tenderize the skin. Then the shaving blades (arranged in no particular way) slice up the skin, with the iso finishing it off making every cut and scrape feel like it's on fire. Let them writhe in pain until they stop crying and then repeat.

[–] Wiz@midwest.social 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That's rather specific, Mr. Jigsaw.

[–] IntrovertTurtle@lemmy.zip 5 points 4 months ago

Nah, Jigsaw would make them do it to each other and... They'd... Hold back. WHICH WOULD PROLONG THE SUFFERING! YOU'RE A GENIUS WIZ!