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How to poop outdoors in a way that won’t harm the environment and other hikers
(theconversation.com)
Make sure to use Poison Ivy to wipe your ass.
this post was submitted on 06 Sep 2025
208 points (96.4% liked)
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do we not jettison it against a tree like other humans? this effectively marks human territory and sends a clear message to other humans that "this is my home".
Stop mixing it with broken glass and tossing it at other people's eyes. That's step one.
Eat it.
I prefer to smear it all around on my face like camouflage.
A literal shitpost. Splendid.
tl;dr: dig a hole or carry it around in a bag. Saved you a lot of words.
A folding shovel is a must have in a car! I have dug my car out of so much snow and mud! Also good for burring your poo or a dead hooker.
Wait what?
I've tried carrying a hole around in a bag but the darn thing always seems to get lost when it comes time to use it.
Rookie mistake. You have to be sure to use the whole bag. Anything less won't work.
Wait .. we're not carrying around our bag in our hole now? Am I doing this wrong?
I pack gallon bags in my back-country camping kit so logistics may be a challenge. Could leave the tent and sleeping bag behind in order to fit a sufficient volume of fiber and make it work though. Thanks for the tip!
You obviously have to plant it in the ground first, silly!
Be careful which hole you do this with. Some are invasive and it can wreak havoc on your environment.
You should get a bag of holding
You need a bag of whole dung, not a bag of holding!
DO NOT use a bag of holding for this, you will regret it.
Yeah, you gotta get the bag of holeding instead
Or a bag of whole dung
The thought of turning a bag of holding inside out to dump out its contents when it was used exclusively as a toilet is horrifying
A 15cm (6 inch) deep hole 30m (100 feet) from the trail or water.
Make sure to know which direction the trail is when walking 30 m away from it. People died following this rule. Well, I know of one person that died because of it.
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(6 replies)
Thanks! Now I finally know How To Shit In The Woods
Congrats, you're one step closer to the papacy
Is there a way to poop outdoors in a way that will harm my enemies?
Leave it less than six feet away from where they commonly walk around barefoot and they could get hookworm. If I remember the Radio Lab correctly anyway.
don't i have to have hookworm to give it to someone?
Yeah, maybe...unfortunately my only advice is to walk around in or near feces until you get some hookworm, because that's all I know about them. And I'm using the word "know" very loosely.
If your enemies happen to get their drinking water from a well, there is. Contaminate the groundwater supply and enemies will be harmed. You can also poop upstream of a river or stream if that's where they drink from. Bonus points if you get some tapeworms first.
You go through all that effort just to find RFK Jr taking his grandkids swimming in it.
I poop in the middle of the trail I am hiking to assert dominance over the other hikers
Are you a horse?
No of course not!
I poop on top of other poops in the middle of the trail. This is my forest, and I got a lot of poop to prove it.
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(1 replies)
I like to swallow those dinosaur sponges that come in a pill shape, having full on dinosaurs in your scat asserts dominance.
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If you come to Colorado DO NOT dig cat holes. Our environment will not decompose your waste before someone else needs to dig one.
WAG bag, every time. They are not expensive.
leave. no. trace.
edit: #2, I don't think #1 is going to do much to the environment, just don't pee in the creek. Unless you're upstream from Coors it'll make the beer taste better.
I shit just fine in CO with holes. Year after year I even watched some of my shit spots grow beautiful flowers.
You don't own Colorado and it was there long before you. It will be there long after you. Remote forests handle our shit just fine. Dig deep enough and away from the trail or water, near some plants, and they will gobble it up no problem. The number of human hikers in remote places is minuscule.
A bit wild to demand people shit in synthetic plastic bags they have to purchase and dump them in a landfill. "Leave no trace -- except the giant plastic waste sites scarring the landscape everywhere"
Now if you're talking park trails and other heavily populated places? That's different. It also isn't "Colorado" it is a specific sub-specification.
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(12 replies)
The answer is a kilt. Prove me wrong.
Edit to add: the fact I have to choose 'English' and cannot choose 'Scottish' makes me want to stab some cunt in the face with a tattie scone.
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I love the combo of this blog’s subject with its domain name.
I sent it to several friends and asked them “Have you had ‘The Conversation’ with your loved ones?”
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