Priest: If you are not yet baptised, I baptise you in the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit. Else break.
Parents: *sweating nervously*...else what
this post was submitted on 17 Aug 2025
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Baptism is such a weird thing. It's ritualized cleansing turned into one and done
You can get baptized as many times as you like, it doesn't stack
Baptism is such a weird thing.
I think Haskell is such a weird thing
Per the actual wiki, some denominations seem to think it's a sin or heresy to do someone more than once. Which seems like what the nullification in the baptize function is supposed to capture.
some denominations seem to think it's a sin or heresy to do someone more than once
Those denominations must have really high divorce rates..
Could you imagine how op you could become though if baptisms stacked
Can you get more clean than clean?
Numbers are a human thing. The universe don't care
I imagine if baptisms stacked, you could pile on a gazillion of them like ablative armor against incoming sin.
Conceptual numeracy is a human thing. The universe absolutely cares about quantifiable physical properties which we represent as numbers.
I think erasing one's body could make you more clean than clean
So what you're saying is that fundies need to be cremated? Possibly AFTER death from other causes?
no no. they need to switch to Flouroantimonic acid instead of just flowing water.
Numbers are a human thing. The universe don't care
Doubly so with religion, though 🤷
The LDS (Mormons) actually do repeat it, in a sense. Their weekly sacrament is a renewal of their baptismal blessings
Probably the reason some other sects call double-dipping a sin, so as to not be like those Mormons.
This is a slippery slope to baptismal logic gates
That honestly seems like the best way to write conditionalBaptize but I still hate it. Probably because IRL you'd just rewrite baptism instead of retrofitting the function with a clever use of id.
This is probably an ok use for a GADT. Something like:
{-# LANGUAGE DataKinds #-}
{-# LANGUAGE GADTs #-}
{-# LANGUAGE KindSignatures #-}
data Bap = Baptized | Unbaptized
data Person :: Bap -> * where
Baptize :: Person Unbaptized -> Person Baptized
NewPerson :: Person Unbaptized
conditionalBaptize :: Person a -> Person Baptized
conditionalBaptize p =
case p of NewPerson -> Baptize p
Baptize _ -> p
main = return ()
Thank you for refactoring baptism. How do we push this to production now?
Hey hey hey, let's start with a PR, we are not savages here aren't we?
Which denominations implement idempotent baptisms?
Sounds like Haskell needs an official Saint.
There's an old joke about functional programming separating Church from state.