Microblog Memes

Being a parent is awesome if you want to be one and it aligns with your personality. Our existences are largely shaped by our relationships (I say this as an introverted AuDHD nerd) and being a parent is probably the most significant and transformative relationship in the lives of people who are parents.

However, I know that I have always been a kid person and also always wanted to be a parent. And then my wife and I couldn't have kids for the longest time, went through some more years of pain with adoptions falling through, and then finally had our own biological kid. And not only is he somehow perfect in a better way than we could have designed ourselves, but his neurospices seem to mimic mine so it's like I have a superpower for relating to him and interpreting his issues.

I assume that qualifies me pretty high on the scale of Lemmy users who are very much into being a parent. I'll wear that rank proudly.

With those decades of experience and the satisfaction of how it is currently going, plus all the stuff I learned navigating my mental issues alongside it, I am quite confident saying that having kids is NOT for everybody, and it will NOT fix your problems.

Raising kids is probably a potentially good experience for most people, sure, but in supportive circumstances.

Unfortunately, society pressures people to conform to the norm, and the huge "you are supposed to start a family now" step usually comes right after you were pushed to go into tons of student debt, marry the first person you dated for longer than a year, then top up the debt to get an overpriced house and vehicle or two.

Can we not turn Lemmy into an insufferably smug r/childfree, full of teens/20 somethings hating on sprogs?

I didn't have kids until my late 30s, never had pressure from anyone to have them and certainly didn't get upset on the super-rare occasions that folk asked if I was thinking of having them.

Live your life, make your own call on your life decisions and don't allow yourself to be pressured by anyone. Having children should be your decision and yours alone, and ultimately it's noone else's business.

But to hate on kids is not healthy, and should never be normalised.

One major difference is our genetic wiring. You'll find that many many people with kids you meet say "I was pretty sure I didn't want kids, but once you have them you wonder why you ever thought you wouldn't want them."

So the answer is yeah, if you did have kids you would probably not regret it. It's just one of like the only 3 things we evolved to do as human beings, your body gives you really strong incentives to take care of your kids.

But if you never have kids you can also not regret it and both can be true.

Eh. I think not having kids would be great up through your 40s or so. But past that almost everyone has come to the realization that almost everyone else are worthless twats and so casual friendships that don't involve a lot of alcohol mostly go away and you find yourself increasingly alone until you die--alone.

On the other hand it's a very questionable thing morally to bring a child into this world we have made for ourselves.