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Just wait til she shits on your lawn though
Unironically good advice though.
Some relationship experts recommend taking elements of treating your SO more like pets, because we are way more patient towards them, understand and reciprocate their needs for affection better, and don't expect them to perfect.
Not sure how to react to this tbh.
Her name is ladybird. You gotts call it laaaaadybird like that or she won't come
Schizoid moment
Who’s a good girl!!!! Yeah you! You’re the goodest girl! Yes you are!!!!
OP scratches gf behind her ears, puts her outside, fucks the dog.
Does anyone else hear blink-182 in the background
Yes! That's exactly what we.. wait.
WOAH WOAH WOAH SLOW DOWN
Yeah the dog doesn't like it too fast.
The dog in question: 
This is completely reasonable.
It makes too much sense to be a shit post.
It's just healthy adaptation. They care for their partner so they found a way to meet their partner's needs that isn't overly burdensome.
I just do the things to her that I do to my dog, because I love my dog more.
Ah, I see — we're calling this healthy now.
Unhealthy would be if you as the other in the relationship (the one seeking affection here) were not ok with this and tried to change it. It Doesn't sound like the relationship with the dog is negotiable.
I wouldn't be happy in that relationship because i need emotional mutuality/reflection, which is clearly muted here. But the two partners here are obviously fine with it.
I don't mean to diagnose anyone but this is fairly common for both trauma survivors and neurodivergence. Animals are just going to always be safer than people for some folks, and those folk also deserve love.
It's incredible that I have two people in this thread who simultaneously decide that the OP is an unreliable narrator and completely write in their own stories for why this actually isn't unhealthy.
It's incredible, truly — the delusion I mean.
Not sure where i decided the narrator is unreliable. They say their partner loves it. Two people happy in a relationship. An example of how one problem solved to meet the needs communicated by the other. The result being positive. That's just reading what's written. I don't see where i made something up. I provided examples of types of people who may use a logic like this but didn't prescribed it to op.
Not a dynamic for me but i wouldn't gawk at someone for feeling fulfilled in it. I get the humor that it's expected to be considered demeaning.
🤷
I mean, what on earth makes you happier than someone you care about being excited to see you?
This is the week that Lemmy shitposting died. Now its just horny on main and tumblr reposts.
I hope his gf reads it.
Ouf, that tldr tho
I just do the things to her that I do to my dog...
Sooo... You're doing it... doggystyle? 👉🏼👈🏼
I would unironically love it if my wife would bust out a chocolate telling me "whos a good boy?".
I will wash the dishes for that.
Bro, dogs can't have chocolate! \s
Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?
Years ago I was a young white guy with long hair and a short ish beard. Someone at my job decided I looked like shaggy from scooby doo. The name kinda stuck and became my nickname.
Few months later, I was at work and one of the guys came over and asked for some favor. I forget what it was but it wasn't like a 30 second thing, it was like a multi hour task. I denied the request and made some excuse. He then reached behind his back and pulled out a box of scooby snacks. They were like small graham crackers in the shape of a dog head like scooby. "Would you do it for a scooby snack?" Everyone around started laughing, even I started laughing.
I didn't end up doing it and the task was just made up for the joke. It was pretty funny though. He said he saw them over the weekend when grocery shopping for his family and thought the joke was too good.
Side note, they still make scooby snacks and the kid I'm basically raising actually really likes them.
I thought this was going to end up where all green text comments end up, choo choo
Nope, just a funny wholesome story from my past.
I would! I want to try that shit.
I want this sooooo bad.
This is kinda sad but I'm... glad it worked?
It's sad only because the tone is dismissive/condescending. Otherwise it's just describing someone who figured out how their gf likes to receive affection. My head canon says they've only been dating for a couple months and they've had their dog for years.
I don't think I could ever love a partner more than I love my cat tbh
Honestly, can a human ever be worth as much as a cat? Humans are just inherently inferior.