this post was submitted on 18 Apr 2026
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Kash Patel has alarmed colleagues with episodes of excessive drinking and unexplained absences.

all 46 comments
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[–] Botzo@lemmy.world 141 points 5 days ago (5 children)

That's not MIA, that's AWOL.

[–] 4am@lemmy.zip 40 points 5 days ago

Yeah for him to be MIA he’d have had to have actually been in the process of doing something

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 2 points 3 days ago

On a bender.

[–] Typhoon@lemmy.ca 23 points 5 days ago

Yeah no one misses him.

Yeah im disappointed. I thought he was presumed dead.

[–] IchNichtenLichten@lemmy.wtf 7 points 5 days ago

Arseholed, Wankered, Obliterated Lush.

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 18 points 4 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Patel was selected for this purpose.

Trump wants the DOJ so he can go after his enemies. He wants to grind the FBI to a halt because they are his perceived enemies.

If Kash is getting drunk and sewing chaos, he's doing the job he was hired to do.

[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 102 points 5 days ago (2 children)

It started with an incident that occurred on April 10 when the FBI chief panicked after he struggled to log into an internal computer system. He behaved frantically and began calling aides to announce that he had been fired by the White House.

Two people familiar with the matter described to The Atlantic that his behaviour was a “freak out.”

The reports also alleged that a SWAT team had to once ask for breaching gear after Patel was uncontactable behind a locked door.

That's not alcoholism, he's coked to the fucking gills...

It's really common these days with heavy drinkers, because it lets you drink longer. Eventually you crash and nothing can wake you up unless someone shoves a bump up your nose.

Then you're up and running for a couple more days doing crazy shit.

The staying awake for days is why meth heads are so crazy, but you can do the same on coke if you have a key to the evidence locker....

Shits gonna keep getting crazier too.

[–] cranakis@reddthat.com 42 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Yep. I've known a bunch of coke heads. I used to be a coke head. Patel is obviously a coke head.

[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 11 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Kesh Patel has that coked out look.

[–] jve@lemmy.world 7 points 4 days ago

It also may be him panicked about things he’s done and hasn’t had a chance to cover up. If he can’t access, he can’t erase his “browser history.”

[–] Substance_P@lemmy.world 53 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Even though this is getting reported by numerous publications, apparently Kash Patel and his external advisors are threatening a lawsuit against The Atlantic over this.

[–] dhork@lemmy.world 66 points 5 days ago

I'm looking forward to the Atlantic proving, in a court of law, that Kash Patel is a drunken fraud.

[–] homes@piefed.world 28 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

He’s welcome to show up in court, in person, to prove the article to be in incorrect

[–] IchNichtenLichten@lemmy.wtf 41 points 5 days ago (2 children)

In a functioning democracy a reporter would've asked Trump by now why he keeps hiring absolute fuck ups.

[–] oopsgodisdeadmybad@lemmy.zip 12 points 5 days ago

Well he made sure it's not functional by filling every single to position to people that are completely incapable of being more evolved than a sophomore frat boy.

All we hear are stories of them getting drunk as hell, totally fucking up their job, and now disappearing.

I would make a much better FBI director. Even the idiot magats that get interviewed by TYT would be.

The photo that gets constantly mocked of him is entirely accurate to his level of intelligence. There is no deeper awareness than "shlorp daddy's mushroom". None at all.

When he finally dies I hope it's absolutely humiliating and painful. And that photo better be at his almost empty funeral.

[–] FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

There should be minimum requirements for these positions instead of the president appointing whoever the fuck he wants. For example, the secretary of health should have expertise in health. The attorney general should be a lawyer.

[–] Sculptor9157@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 days ago

That seems like a good tenet, but it goes against my presumption that I could do a better job than these idiots without that expertise. I could overcome that feeling to be pragmatic about enacting such a requirement, but then we would still end up with someone like Mehmet Oz or Phil McGraw as health secretary.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 7 points 3 days ago

Don't look for him.

[–] nolannice@lemmy.world 43 points 5 days ago (2 children)

This is sad because I just earned my Kash Patel sobriety chip

[–] BetaBlake@lemmy.world 16 points 5 days ago

The punisher, notorious cop lover

[–] Tempus_Fugit@lemmy.world 12 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Oh my lord. It's the tackiest shit I've ever seen. I can't believe this manchild has this as his challenge coin. It's the stuff of 12-year-olds.

[–] fartographer@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

Complete with everyone's favorite experience: spiders in your eye sockets.

[–] Tharkys@lemmy.wtf 25 points 4 days ago

Did anyone check under Trump's desk?

[–] Zephorah@discuss.online 39 points 5 days ago (1 children)

So, Josh Johnson is right. Patel is the next one fired.

It’s crazy how much more spot on some of our comedians are than the official journalists.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 23 points 5 days ago (2 children)

What we need is more comedians in office.

[–] Zephorah@discuss.online 27 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Zelensky. Franken. There are worse ideas. You have to have a brain and be able to read people to be a good comedian.

[–] Adulated_Aspersion@lemmy.world 26 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] 4am@lemmy.zip 9 points 5 days ago

I thought I wanted Jon Stewart once but baby we’re well beyond the point of being that gentle about things.

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 20 points 5 days ago

Al Frankin was great in office. I used to love watching him ask questions

[–] Burninator05@lemmy.world 27 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Why would he be so worried about being fired? He was a podcaster before, he can be a podcaster again but this time he'll (unfortionately) have the added clout of having been the FBI Director.

[–] U7826391786239@piefed.zip 13 points 5 days ago (1 children)

you know trump probably made them all sign NDAs that probably include federal prison for violations (i.e., saying anything about anything, ever), because "national security"

[–] Burninator05@lemmy.world 0 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Probably but the don't need to disclose anything. Even if fired, he has credibility as the former Director.

[–] Waraugh@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I know what you are getting at but it certainly generated some feeling reading “he has credibility…”

[–] Burninator05@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago

I hurt to write too but it doesn't make it untrue to as least the people who would willingly listen to his podcast.

[–] resipsaloquitur@lemmy.cafe 23 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Patel has publicly proclaimed that the FBI needs to demonstrate that it is “fierce,” and officials I spoke with said that he is fixated on that image in private as well. He recently expressed frustration with the look of FBI merchandise, complaining that it isn’t intimidating enough.

Our superiors.

[–] SabinStargem@lemmy.today 2 points 3 days ago

This certainly explains how Caesar and company established the Planet of the Apes. If Patel is the measure of a man, a monkey stands tall.

[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 5 days ago

Hoping he dies in a ditch somewhere.

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 11 points 5 days ago

The rest of the FBI are having a good day probably. Like when the substitute teacher stops paying attention.

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 6 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] BradleyUffner@lemmy.world 6 points 4 days ago

Did he "teleport" there?

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 2 points 5 days ago

Maybe he woke up with a forehead tattoo under a pet tiger without a front tooth?