Say both of those on a Monday when you come in and your goals are all met!
this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2026
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Microblog Memes
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"Look at that fucking river out there. Thinks its so cool. Just moving pop cans and fish shit past the window. Stupid fucking river."
That's what families do, amirite?
Sounds like the boss is infatuated with the river and wants to be able to talk about it.
And goes about it the entirely wrong way.
the beatings will continue until appreciation improves.
Mandatory Fun Conversation
"That body of water is soooo wet... It's so long, and moisssst...just GUSHING with dihydrogen monoxide."
Use hydrology websites and just comment that "The river is 2 feet tall today." Et cetera, "the river is flowing fast today. But not as fast as the other day."
As long as I can mark it as Exceeded Expectations on my performance review if I do it well, I can live with it.
I dunno, a beautiful view is a perk, it's so much nicer than just walls. We used to be in a high up office by the bay, and osprey would land on the balcony, so exciting, or sometimes groups of crows talking to each other. Once we saw a waterspout, ominously tracking across the water like a tornado. Looking out those windows was so restorative, and people (not me) would also take breaks to run across the bridge & back as a workout. As a goal it's silly, sure. But as a benefit, a nice view is nothing to scoff at.
Now the office moved so close I can walk to work which I think is better, but I miss those windows. Although there are mitigation ponds at this office park with gorgeous birds, herons and egrets and ducks and cormorants and I sometimes see this guy on my way in, too. All this to say I do think a nice view of a river is something to enjoy, yes even at work, and asking people to recognize that, while kinda condescending, is not crazy.
I have so little sympathy for the white collar hiring crisis. Society has allowed the emails class to become too bloated.
This kindergarten for adults shit is out of hand. I'm almost shocked at how many commenters are so inured to being patronized that they're supporting this instead of being offended.
Just say "Water wet" every time they ask you to fill the quota
"Oh wow, my boss is drowning in this beautiful river!" "Oh, look! Those cute ducklings are eating his heart! So cuuuuute!"