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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/41837280
"I was dead for three days to save you from the hell I created. Please clap"
"Also, please take care of all these people suffering under the horrible conditions I not only created but allow to persist"
God spent millenia damning every single person to hell for eternity. Because even if they weren't sinful themselves, and had absolute faith in him, they were still responsible for the sin of their fathers all the way back to Adam, which is a very fair thing. Sorry, guys, he didn't make the rules.... oh wait.
"OK, so I have decided that damning every person to hell forever is a dick move. Seriously, my bad. But I made a new rule. If I create a person without a human father, he won't inherit original sin. Then he'll also be a cool sinless human being too, cuz he's my son and all. So if I kill that guy in a pretty brutal way to make him suffer. A. Lot. (And, spoiler alert, I'm totally gonna do that), then since he didn't have sin, he can take on all the sins of everyone in the world himself from then on through forever. This essentially makes those people sin free and able to enter heaven."
"And yeah, I could also just have him do that freely for all humanity. You know, to make up for the billions I damned and will continue to have tortured for eternity despite giving them no means to avoid it until now. All because a couple ignorant humans ate some fruit at the dawn of the universe that I explicitly told them not to eat. But anyway, he's not going to do the whole sin eating thing unless you swear eternal fealty to us. Because that's also part of it, I decided."
"I created an inherently unfair system. I barely patched it to fix it way after it should have been fixed, but also added a big requirement to get this fix, and I will still eternally damn otherwise good people that do not actively kiss my ass. I'm a perfect and benevolent being, btw."
This essentially makes those people sin free and able to enter heaven."
A place I invented and set the rules about entering.
This is why the Paulian/Roman creation of Christianity will never work as a belief system and why despite Jesus' message being as straightforward as possible, Trinitarians will often do the opposite. Oh well. 😞
Fucking Paul!!
Also, I wasn't actually dead. I'm a god, so I can't actually die. My super-powered avatar's human body died. But, that was really about putting on a show for you guys.
If it's muted, there shall be subtitles.
[angry savior noises]
Oddly, Jesus also created Hell according to Him, so He saved you from His own creation.
So that's nice.
Jesus H ?
What was his middle name again? Herbert?