Or maybe in the 1930s an ad agency invented feeding on people's fears by overstating extremely rare or even nonexistent problems.
this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2026
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My brand of cereal is the only one with that rat poison free guarantee.
The first bidets came about around 1700 and were manually filled. Indoor plumbing meant recognizable non-poo filled ones in the 1800s, but the modern toilet seat one was 1964, so keep that in mind wrt time travel.
The Asshole Splinters
This will be the name of my band
Just go back farther, to when they used leaves and grass.
Tip 1. Cleaning your hands is easier than cleaning your ass.
Tip 2. You can wipe with wet hands.
Soap is a luxury though. It is borderline free now, it's so cheap. Back then, not so much.
Tip 3: Never shake hands with Jankatarch
In days of old when knights were bold and toilet paper wasn't invented, they'd wipe their ass with a piece of grass and walk away contented.
And real gentlemen re-used the grass
Growing up in the Soviet Union we had almost pieces of bark in the toilet paper. Never got a splinter I promise.
What was your expirience in the soviet union? Was it as bad as western media says or it was fine/good/not bad?
I can only speak to my own country, Bulgaria. Some things were worse, some things not as bad. Like we had to wait in line for bread every day but most people in my orbit never went without bread, at least that I knew of. I was a little kid so I'm sure they hid that kind of stuff from me. I got bullied a lot, my mom had ADHD and wouldn't pick me up from school on time so the teachers beat me in retaliation. That kind of shit. I remember people coming in from overseas and sneaking me in a coke for Christmas. They'd sneak in western music and religious stuff. Some of my relatives were sent to camps as political prisoners, most came back eventually. It felt like there was much more solidarity between the people than there is now. Much of that remains.
Romanian here, born in '94, but parents were in their 20s when communism ended. Your experience sounds very similar to theirs
I heard they tied onions on their belts, which was the fashion at the time.
I think the ADHD stuff was just the norm for that epoch everywhere, at least from what i know from people older than me
Asbestos-free baby powder
So, like... a week ago? https://seekingalpha.com/news/4602263-jj-faces-32m-jury-award-over-talc-related-cancer-case
Now with 20% less lead!
Can I have one that's also free of powdered babies?
The powdered babies are included for free 👍
The only time I'd really want to travel to is the future.
If I could come back, maybe it would be cool to go back to like pangea times
I’m not sure you want to see the future. It’s looking pretty grim from current standpoint. At least if you went back in history you could pick something predictable.
If you had the ability to find out what happens in the future, you would rather assume it's bad and not look?
Yeah, being a pessimist means I get to be pleasantly surprised when I’m wrong.
Eh, I'm an optimist about the future. Not in the idea that the current system will work or anything. But I think humanity generally spirals upward. Maybe I want to skip the next 100 years or so but that's still a pretty long time scale as far as our advancements since the industrial revolution go.
Maybe time travel is real but we're still living at an age where something else is so terrible that nobody from the future wants to travel to our time.
I bet it's because we haven't invented those three seashells yet.
Or when time travelers come here we just can't tell, because if they accidentally reveal themselves or screw up in some other way they just jump back again for a do-over until they get it right.
Time Travel to the past
Cough due to allergies to future extinct flowers
Accidentally spready COVID 2089
90% of the world population dies from futuristic killer super flu
You fade from existence because you killed all your ancestors
The paradox causes space time to collapse
Timelines merged together to "mend and fix" these paradoxes, that’s why we ended in the Mirror-Universe equivalent. Mandela effects are just glitches from the other timeline remnants.
In my single-timeline theory you never spawn a new timeline or universe, you just overwrite the one.
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Don't threaten me with a good time!
"they still capitalist then? Eww. I'll wait"
As much as capitalism is a truly shit system to actually live in, I don’t think it would dissuade time travellers much because it’d make it trivially easy to live like a king with only a little knowledge of the future
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WANTED: Someone to go back in time with me. This is not a joke...You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own ~~weapons~~ toilet paper. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.
Gotta go post this on Something Awful
Personally, it’s 1928, when modern antibiotics were developed.
Why not just bring some with you? Or learn how to synthesize penecilin from bread mold and really change the timeline?
The former would be a limited supply with a shelf life (even modern antibiotics go bad after a few years). The latter— synthesizing penicillin is no easy task. Even if I knew how - which I absolutely do not - it’s among the more difficult things in the world of biochemistry. It’s why Alexander Flemming earned a Nobel prize for it.
And basic penicillin is nothing compared to the antibiotics we have today.
Additionally, I’m not really very cool with altering the timeline
Edit: if I was gonna bother synthesizing anything from bread mold, it would be lysergic acid diethylamide, and then I would go for a nice bicycle ride ;)
Is that Bumblebee Bandersnatch?
Just take your own toilet roll with you. If you get separated from your supply, you probably have bigger problems.
We learned toilet paper from the Chinese, they had it for a long time before that.
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