politics

Weaponized masculine insecurity

But maybe making other people’s lives worse is enough.

That is the mantra of conservatives and their party: the Republican Party.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with masculinity itself. Boys and young men don’t seek out the manosphere “because they inherently hate women or think they are inferior,” the feminist writer Jessica Valenti has written. Rather, they “are desperate for community and answers in a confusing time of their lives.” When people are constantly told that the only way to be a worthwhile human being is to conform to gender norms, they will naturally strive to meet those expectations, even if it means being harsh to themselves or others. But the strength of those emotions is precisely what makes them so exploitable.

Adam Stanaland, a psychology professor at the University of Richmond, told me that what’s concerning is when insecure men feel pressured to validate their manhood by harming others. Stanaland co-authored a study on “fragile” masculinity that notes that such men may compensate by endorsing “political bigotry, homophobia, sexual violence, and anti-environmentalism,” and that they are “more likely to endorse policies and politicians that disproportionately harm marginalized groups.”

Stanaland speculated that for “white men especially, their masculinity is framed by this idea they must be at the top of not only the gender hierarchy, but also other social hierarchies, and so any kinds of threats to that positioning of them at the hierarchy could be responded to with these compensatory behaviors.” Sexist ideology nevertheless has a broader appeal. The former congressman Matt Gaetz, whose nomination for attorney general was derailed by allegations that he’d had sex with a minor (allegations that he denied), predicted before the 2024 election that “for every Karen we lose, there’s a Julio and a Jamal ready to sign up for the MAGA movement.”

Over the past 10 years, the misogyny of the manosphere has become more open and strident, but the big innovation seems to have been combining that conspiratorial misogyny with earnest self-help advice. Heartbreak and rejection leave people emotionally vulnerable, and the manosphere pitch often comes paired with benign advice about standing up for yourself, being mentally tough, or becoming physically active. But getting yourself together with the expectation that soon everyone you meet will be forced to respect you inevitably leads to disappointment.

When that disappointment sets in, the manosphere has an explanation: Can’t find a girlfriend? It’s because women who make their own living can no longer be forced into marrying guys they don’t like. Can’t find a job? It’s because undeserving women and minorities are being picked instead of you, even though you’re better. Feel bad about yourself? It’s because our feminized society deprived you of a life of meaningful toil, military adventure, and elevated social status. It is a bleak view of the world, a kind of male doomerism in which a meaningful life can be found only in the domination and exploitation of others.

Conservatives are getting really good at turning men against everyone else. This Texas race and how they're targeting Talarico lays it bare. Reminds me of when Steve Bannon talked openly about using the outrage from GamerGate to help funnel those men into alt-right spaces.

Great read, thank you for sharing!

Okay, here is my example of masculinity: my old man. A short scrawny little Asian scientist that got up early to go to work, came back late in the afternoon and still found time to play with his kids no matter how tired he was. He was never anything but loving to his family, 100% treated my mom as an equal partner, brought over my grandparents to Canada and then supported the entire family.

Yes he had his flaws and he admitted to them and worked to become better.

He was never loud or obnoxious, but knew his job and wherever he ended up he just did whatever had to be done to get on with whatever job was in front of him, be it reinsulating the house or interpreting data from a complex nuclear experiment. And if was truly stumped, he either found out the answer himself or asked someone that knew the answer.

He never competed with his sons (my brother and I) in an unhealthy way and made sure to teach us both academically and morally. And he wasn't afraid to show his emotions. When I finally left home, I left a letter saying how thankful I was to my parents and that I hoped I would make them proud of me. My old man cried upon reading it.

To me, that's masculinity.

What the fuck even is "masculinity" at this point?

If you have to follow some set of rules to be a man, you ain't no man.

Especially if the rules are being given by someone who proclaims to be an 'alpha'.

The problem with masculinity is that its identity is tied up with competence and pride. Part of “being masculine” is discerning threats to your status and ego, and using physical imposition and verbal bravado to defend them when necessary.

Discerning threats to your status and your ego reliably… in a way that most people agree with, is very very difficult for young boys who haven’t done a lot of that.

Young boys will discern threats over-zealously thinking everyone’s out to get them, and defend their ego/status over-enthusiastically thinking everyone will be impressed and/or scared.

Every joke becomes a threat in the mind of a teenager with a brain flooded by testosterone for the first time ever, at 2 - 3x higher levels than men done with puberty.

Additionally we now have myriads of douchebags on screen sitting in front of mics (metaphorically) jerking young men off for behaving like insecure inexperienced children, telling them tantrums and law breaking violence are “how men operate”.

Boys need to learn how to understand their emotions and how their actions make them look to others, and then they usually grow up to be great men if they can learn those things well.

They need to learn that fear and envy are toxic clouds, not yard sticks.