this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] ExtremeDullard@piefed.social 142 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (5 children)

I might just believe the 11 nuggets story. Almost...

But the free gasoline one? That's horseshit. There's no way in hell the gas station manager isn't going to ask the employee where the money is for that volume of gas gone at the end of the day.

The only story I fully believe is the dick one.

[–] Brkdncr@lemmy.world 73 points 3 weeks ago

I was at a gas station filling up and getting a diy cappuccino and a can of tea. The attendant didn’t ring up the cappuccino. I pointed it out and he said “nah sir, you’re all settled up”.

I respect that man’s commitment to fucking over The Man.

[–] abrake@lemmy.world 33 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I worked at a gas station about 20 years ago. Even then it would be impossible for someone to give away gas in this way.

Before the pump turns on, either the customer would have to authorize the transaction with a credit card, or an employee would have to manually authorize the transaction if they were paying with inside the store. If the gas wasn't paid for, it would be immediately obvious by the end of the day that the till (or books or whatever) was short. To clear out the transaction without paying, we'd have to push some buttons on the register to declare that the customer drove off, and essentially accuse them of stealing, get the manager to check the security cams for the license plates, etc. No one could use that pump until the previous transaction was cleared out.

Maybe some gas stations worked differently, but I doubt any big chain ones had less security than that.

[–] Polisheocket@lemmy.zip 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Your right, there isn’t really a way to give away free gas unless they were taking money from the safe, at some point someone is finding out after a day or two

[–] Bane_Killgrind@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 weeks ago

It's definitely wank at the register levels of dgaf

Never doubt the dick.

[–] RaphaelSchmitz@feddit.org 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I guess in the US the milkshake machines are not directly behind the counter, in full view of the customers?

[–] FishFace@piefed.social 2 points 2 weeks ago

I guess different stores are laid out differently even within the same country!

[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 1 points 3 weeks ago

Same. Derek is a filthy liar.

[–] meco03211@lemmy.world 73 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Worked at an office supply store. Ringing this guy up and one item rang up higher than he expected. He pointed this out and mentioned he even called to verify it was on sale. The GM happened to be right there so I called him over. Customer says his piece again and the GM, I shit you not, just goes "oh yeah, I remember that call. Well that's the price." And just walks away. I just kinda blinked a bit and bagged the rest of the customer's items without ringing anything else up. He got way more than what my boss was trying to stiff him on. I couldn't understand what the hell he was thinking.

[–] Grail@multiverse.soulism.net 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

So glad I live in Australia where that shit is illegal. The price they advertise is the legal price.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

It's even illegal in America

[–] starik@lemmy.today 53 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Worked at a bank for 50 years. Never charged a single customer for a withdrawal. Gave away ~$75 billion over that time. The bank was never the wiser.

[–] Sidyctism2@discuss.tchncs.de 42 points 2 weeks ago

I currently hold a high position in US government and had some shlops repair the reflecting pool. Was supposed to cost a million. I gave them 13. nobody noticed anything

[–] arctanthrope@lemmy.world 48 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

it's not as bad as it sounds, he couldn't have even made that many milkshakes in two and a half years, the machine would have probably only been working a few days in that time

[–] Frozengyro@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago

He actually only worked the registers, but made himself a sweaty cock shake every night for two years!

[–] Aeri@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I mean I've been in the back of a McDonald's before. I can see a little bit of sleight of hand getting a few extra nuggets in a box here or there but I'm having a harder time visualizing how the fuck you would manage to pull your pants down and stick your willy in it. Additionally you would have milkshake all over your cock and it probably wouldn't be very pleasant. I really just struggle to envision how the fuck you would get away with doing that even one time given how much of a slave drive working at McDonald's is.

[–] nymnympseudonym@piefed.social 1 points 2 weeks ago

milkshake all over your cock and it probably wouldn’t be very pleasant

Dude already confessed to Vancing milkshakes.

I think we can assume he thinks a lot of yucky things "feel good"

[–] daannii@lemmy.world 42 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Gas guy is lying. No way he could get away with that. The computers track it and it would show up as missing money at the end of the day.

[–] okwhateverdude@lemmy.world 37 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

whaaat? People lie? On the internet?

[–] daannii@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

I know. It's so shocking when you spot one of those rare occurrences. .......

Also I may have misunderstood that the person was being sarcastic..

[–] ickplant@lemmy.world 16 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I think that’s the point. He is trying to one up the guy with the nuggets by saying something ridiculous.

[–] GenosseFlosse@feddit.org 4 points 2 weeks ago

I don't think MCD would track every single incoming and outgoing nugget...

[–] daannii@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah that makes sense actually

[–] yesman@lemmy.world 26 points 2 weeks ago

When I worked at Blockbuster, I miskeyed almost every credit card number on new-member applications. The system didn't authorize the cards, or even check if the number was valid.

At the end of every shift, the computer would attempt to charge late fees to the card on record if your balance was >30days old. The failure rate was high due to expired cards anyway, so nobody ever got suspicious.

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 23 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

The milkshakes taste so much better when David is working

[–] the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Well of course..... it was made with love.

[–] Polisheocket@lemmy.zip 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Can you imagine when his mom Does the laundry and sees chocolate all over the underwear after every shift

[–] elucubra@sopuli.xyz 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Right. You are at a McDonald's And every time someone orders a milkshake you say "wait a minute, I have to go to the back with your milkshake"

Checks out.

[–] musubibreakfast@lemmy.world 28 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

That's where you're wrong on two accounts, first off the counter comes up to my waist so I'm not wearing any pants. Second, I put my wiener in the cup while I long pour the milkshake.

Next you're going to tell me you don't believe I shove every straw up my pee hole without anyone noticing but the secret is I always keep one in the chamber.

I'm a master of slight of hand.

[–] Gork@sopuli.xyz 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] MidsizedSedan@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Cock magic?

[–] elucubra@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 weeks ago

Shit! Now I'm going to lean over the counter every time I go to McDonald's.

[–] Godric@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago

When I worked at the gas station, I never charged for gas. I'd let them put their card in, say "Nah man, gas is free today", and then steal their bank information. I stole over 1,000,000,000,000 from dumb fucking rubes using this simple little trick :)

[–] Sanctus@anarchist.nexus 12 points 3 weeks ago

The spirit of giving

[–] content_educator_94@thelemmy.club 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I straight up gave free hits of LSD to every cop who ever pulled me over and made SURE I watched them put it on their tongue and then I quoted cringe worthy (for me to say not the original author) things Hunter S. Thompson said out of context like a dick until they just let me leave

[–] ickplant@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago
[–] FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 weeks ago

Fight the power

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

If you had the choice, would you switch milkshake worker with the gasoline one?

[–] Grostleton@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah, I'm not too bothered if someone wants to put their dick in my car's gashole, have at it dude!

[–] doingthestuff@lemy.lol 4 points 2 weeks ago

I worked at the hospital and switched all the babies so dads could get out of child support.

[–] jpablo68@infosec.pub 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

1M Dollars in free gasoline and the company didn't went out of business??? gasps how is that possible I thought that every company is cents away from bankruptcy at ALL times!

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