memes

When someone asks me for project advice, it’s usually someone SO woefully ignorant that I think it’s irresponsible to sell them tools. The other 1% of the time, it’s someone very experienced asking me an incredibly detailed question that I couldn’t possibly answer.

Damn them and their neutral expressions!

They might know where something is, that's about it.

However, there was an autistic kid working at my local Lowe's for a while. If I had trouble finding something, I'd ask him, and he'd quietly walk me right to it. Every time, no matter what it was. One time, I was in looking for a locking door knob set, he pointed me to one that had been mis-priced and was 80% off. He said it was a pretty good deal, and that he'd sold a couple of them that day. I took it to the check out and it threw an error. I explained the situation and waited. After a while, a "manager" showed up and said they couldn't sell it for that price, but they'd give me 50% off.

Unless you visit Ace Hardware.

True Value was my first job as a teen. I was beyond useless when it came to actually using the things sold in the store. I lived at home, had never done any actual projects myself beyond a pinewood derby car, and was not to be trusted beyond which aisle something is in.

David Cross is a great stand-up comedian.

I know more than them, the only advice I need is where to find the bathroom

"How do I open the package on my battery operated package opener?"