this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] lookitsjustin@lemmy.ca 5 points 18 minutes ago

Anything but the metric system.

[–] myyass@lemmy.world 3 points 37 minutes ago

Perfect post for my user name.

[–] iusemybrain@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

with the power of god and anime on my side I could easily fit three racoon's up my ass.

[–] ILikeStupidMemes@lemmy.zip 12 points 10 hours ago

Sly cooper in my pooper

[–] Thebeardedsinglemalt@lemmy.world 4 points 11 hours ago

How the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?

[–] 0x0@lemmy.zip 7 points 13 hours ago

I knew there was a reason 26.04 is called Rancid Racoon.

[–] Leather@lemmy.world 17 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

No one ever just shows up at the Olympics and gets a gold...

The untrained human ass can stretch that far without damage, but with a little practice?

[–] ms_lane@lemmy.world 13 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

No one ever just shows up at the Olympics and gets a gold...

[–] JcbAzPx@lemmy.world 5 points 7 hours ago

Didn't he get silver?

[–] 0x0@lemmy.zip 3 points 13 hours ago

Raccoons with boxing gloves.

[–] finallymadeanaccount@lemmy.world 8 points 16 hours ago

How many badgers is that? Asking for a friend.

[–] arotrios@lemmy.world 132 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] msage@programming.dev 4 points 9 hours ago

It has just the most adorable face

[–] BigBoyShuanzee@aussie.zone 4 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

Ohh that's why. I had three raccoons and a lot of time on my plate..

Please don't ask me any follow up questions.

[–] MidsizedSedan@lemmy.world 2 points 13 hours ago

I always thought you can stretch to 12 inches, and the raccoon can squees into 6?

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 61 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (3 children)

A four inch hole has a surface area of 12.57 square inches and one seven inches across has a surface area of 38.48 square inches and this means three of them can pass through your ass at the same time without risking damage to your sphincter.

[–] Rivalarrival@lemmy.today 3 points 18 hours ago

Came here for the math.

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 19 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] HeHoXa@lemmy.zip 13 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

They did the monster math!

The monster math

[–] HeHoXa@lemmy.zip 7 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (1 children)

It was the salesman's path!

The monster math

[–] WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world 8 points 21 hours ago (1 children)
[–] bytejunk@piefed.social 3 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Which probably cause a serious rash

[–] ElChinchilla@lemmy.world 3 points 7 hours ago
[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

Too much time determining if you could. Not enough time asking if you should.

[–] TargaryenTKE@lemmy.world 8 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

Almost as unsettling as having 37 open tabs. Like, I've been there before, and it's never turned out well 😆

[–] basxto@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 11 hours ago

You mean 438 open tabs?

[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 6 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago) (2 children)

My tabs counter usually just makes this face :o

Edit : went to check. Ive got exactly 37 atm. Had to do a little research to make sure OP isnt me on carbon monoxide

[–] basxto@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 11 hours ago

My tab counter addon has no issues displaying numbers like 194

[–] 0x0@lemmy.zip 5 points 13 hours ago

Mine's constantly showing ∞.

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 36 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] PhoenixDog@lemmy.world 5 points 14 hours ago

Almost two racoons so far

[–] cattywampas@lemmy.world 28 points 1 day ago (6 children)

That's gotta be circumference cause ain't no way that diameter is correct.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago

Can't be. That'd be a diameter of only 2.228 inches. That's half a raccoon. Way too small.

[–] Cypher@aussie.zone 8 points 23 hours ago

A bad dragon says you’re wrong!

[–] floquant@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 1 day ago

Cherish your innocent eyes, the internet can be a nasty place.

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[–] rizzothesmall@sh.itjust.works 3 points 17 hours ago

Unrelated question. Can you fit two racoons into a mason jar?

[–] itsjustachairmary@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago (4 children)

What you're telling me is I can comfortably house a raccoon up my ass. Why wouldn't I? In this housing market? I could be charging rent!

[–] Tiral@lemmy.zip 5 points 20 hours ago

They can go steal shit after dark and give you some spoils.

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[–] Digestive_Biscuit@feddit.uk 1 points 14 hours ago

This reminds me of that torture method from the olden days. Hungry rat in a bowl on a person's skin/abdomen. It's going to dig into the person.

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 7 points 22 hours ago

The key to doing this is to put the raccoons in serially. You just can't put them in at the same time.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 19 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Almost two raccoons

This is where people get into trouble. They round up. They get sloppy.

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[–] DrBob@lemmy.ca 17 points 1 day ago
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