this post was submitted on 17 Oct 2026
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[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 165 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (30 children)

Fun fact: choking during sex is the second most common cause of stroke in women under 40. Source.

When you cut off blood supply to the brain you start damaging it real fast. There are studies measuring blood biomarkers of neural injury and inflammation in women who report being chocked during sex and it's clear that choking causes brain damage. According do experts there's no safe way to do it. It's just another disturbing, violent trend popularized by porn.

[–] aldhissla@beehaw.org 2 points 6 days ago

Blaming sexual violence on porn seems the same kind of cheap virtue-signalling as blaming gun violence on video games.

Being choked feels good. Your partner sometimes asks you to choke them, sometimes in the heat of the action.

The most important thing is that there really is no safe way to do it, and it should be never done. Upvoted your post for visibility. For the sceptics, here is an article (in German) about one medical doctor accidentally killing another during sex.

[–] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 1 points 5 days ago

According do experts there’s no safe way to do it.

I always heard that you/your partner should squeeze the sides of the neck so that it gives the sensation of being choked without actually blocking air/bloodflow

[–] Notyou@sopuli.xyz 102 points 1 week ago

Thankfully my wife is over 40, so it looks like we dodged that bullet.

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Thank you for speaking up and posting this source. I know you and I haven't historically gotten on well, but I fully agree with you here.

[–] Amarlune@lemmy.zip 2 points 6 days ago

Mfw I browse the fediverse daily and am aware of some of the conflict that has gone down between y'all. I am on Lemmy too much lmao

[–] Squirrelanna@lemmy.blahaj.zone 26 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Why does it have to be about violence and porn? Talk about the dangers all you want but that shit just genuinely feels like crack. You get flooded with brain chemicals that feel euphoric. Focus on the important bits about the risks rather than applying stupid moral judgements.

[–] itsjustachairmary@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Ok but you do realize how comparing it to crack is not helping here right

Like I'm more than happy to also warn people to stay tf away from crack lol

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[–] okwhateverdude@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The euphoria is from the hypoxia, I think. In which case, a similar high could be had by scheduling sexy times in an oxygen tent mountain climbers and endurance athletes use for training.

[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 35 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

It has nothing to do with euphoria. From the source:

In 2021, a research team led by Debby Herbenick, provost professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health, interviewed 24 women aged 18 to 33 in depth about their experiences of strangulation during sex. Although, for most, their first experience had involved no prior discussion – including one who was having sex for the first time – the majority now viewed it as “routine and regular”. All believed it was safe, despite experiencing many physical reactions, including coughing, gasping, difficulty swallowing and breathing and vision changes. Some said they accepted being choked for their partner’s pleasure, even though they didn’t personally find it arousing. Others did enjoy it and sought it out as “adventurous” and “exciting”.

The paper notes that historically, autoerotic asphyxiation is rare among women and adds, “It is curious how sexual asphyxiation, which has long been described as predominantly engaged in by/for men’s arousal, has become so frequently enacted by men on women partners.”

Bows makes the same point. “What’s not being talked about is that this is happening overwhelmingly to women by men. If you accept what people will argue – that this is an activity that’s enjoyed because it’s ‘sensual’ – then why aren’t men the recipients more often? To me, it’s just another way we’ve culturally legitimised men harming women.”


It just keeps going like that. It's really wroth reading.

[–] protist@retrofed.com 15 points 1 week ago (6 children)

"then why aren’t men the recipients more often?"

I'd be interested to know the source on this, because I know plenty men who are into this. Even in the paragraph prior it states, "sexual asphyxiation, which has long been described as predominantly engaged in by/for men’s arousal."

That said, full consent and knowledge about the potential long-term physical harm are absolutely critical

[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 13 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (8 children)

It says "The paper notes that historically, autoerotic asphyxiation is rare among women". So it seams to suggest that before choking your partner became common it was mostly men to chocked themselves while masturbating. Now it's mostly men that choke women. It doesn't say it doesn't happen to men, just that women were not into it before and now it happens to them more.

[–] basiclemmon98@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 1 week ago (5 children)

idk if you were trying to be funny or not, but it is driving me INSANE:

choking*

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[–] arrow74@lemmy.zip 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

It's a very poorly written paper that is using generalizations without a proper source or study group.

A sample size of 24 to make these broad assumptions is frankly ridiculous

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[–] pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 50 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Thought this was a Miisha post

[–] Mistakes@sopuli.xyz 25 points 1 week ago

Honestly me too

[–] rockSlayer@lemmy.blahaj.zone 39 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Remember kids, learn how to do it safely before you try it in the bedroom!

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 39 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Unfortunately, there is no truly safe way to choke. It's always a risk. But please, please do look into it before choking anyone and always get consent first.

I also have a rule that no choking is allowed if the people involved are under the influence of anything. It's too risky.

[–] HexesofVexes@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"Never drink and dom" was the one we learned, right after "safe, sane, and consensual".

[–] hypnicjerk@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (7 children)

choking is pretty firmly outside of the ssc framework because it cannot be done safely. if you want to practice sexual asphyxiation, you're looking for a risk aware consensual kink model.

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[–] SillyDude@lemmy.zip 37 points 1 week ago

This is exactly what happened to me. I had never been choked, nor had I ever choked someone. Was making out with girl, she was on top of me, and then started choking me. I was so confused and horny. Eventually asked her about it and yes, that is what she wanted done to her. Like Jesus, just say so.

[–] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 37 points 1 week ago (2 children)

This highlights a big flaw in the golden rule: people want different things

[–] tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 27 points 1 week ago

Perhaps unsurprisingly this has been a thing in philosophy of ethics for awhile now. Copper rule gang rise up!

Copper Rule:

Do (or don't do) unto others as they would (or would not) have you do unto them

Basically treat people how they want to be treated.

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[–] fonix232@fedia.io 30 points 1 week ago (1 children)

people into choking want consensual choking.

this was anything but.

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[–] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 25 points 1 week ago (2 children)

TIL: When people refer to choking during sex, it's actually choking.

I thought it was just called that way, in a similar way to "choker" being a close-fitting necklace, just lightly pinning down someone by their neck. Not strangulation.

[–] Funkt4st1c@lemmy.world 25 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Some people definitely want just like a hand necklace, gentle, no pressure. A LOT of people want to actually asphyxiate. My wife, for example.

This distinction has caused much confusion. Safer to assume the first option.

Btw you should tipi your hand a bit so they dont like, actually die. Were here to have fun and all.

[–] treesapx@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

Don't assume anything and just ask. It's very sexy to ask.

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 24 points 1 week ago (2 children)

That can also cause damage, just FYI. There's a lot of invisible damage that can happen to the delicate tissues of the neck and throat.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Yeah, I'm somewhat experienced in kink irl (been pretty involved in scenes for most of my adult life and have been an edge player in some form for a lot of it) and choking is way more dangerous than people think. People will point to blood choking (squeezing the arteries at the side of the neck) or air deprivation as the "safe" way to do it, and yes, they're safer than windpipe choking, but any time you are depriving a brain of fresh oxygen to the point it's noticeable there is a chance it will cause permanent damage. For anyone who's interested in learning more Jay Wiseman is the traditional go to on this specific topic.

Your body, your life, your decision what risks you take, but personally it's the only kink that the more I've learned about safety regarding it the less willing to take part in it I've been.

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[–] random_signal@leminal.space 24 points 1 week ago

I misread the nickname as Miistakes and thought that this is Miishas alt account

[–] uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 19 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

When I was in the kink community breath control was a big no-no. There's a significant enough risk of putting your partner in shock, and in the 1990s police were not very understanding of death by heavy erotic play.

Of course the US may currently be in the stage Russia was in 2011 (and still is) of YOLO high-risk selfies.

[–] Psythik@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

Yeah just huff nitrous during sex instead. It gets you the same pleasurable feeling (better, actually), and you won't fucking die from oxygen starvation.

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[–] Smorty@lemmy.blahaj.zone 18 points 1 week ago (2 children)

hmm naw not like this, I'd rather like stroke their cheek all nicely and give them a kiss ~

[–] fonix232@fedia.io 9 points 1 week ago (5 children)
[–] Smorty@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 1 week ago (2 children)
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[–] theneverfox@pawb.social 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Have you considered putting your hands around their neck and not choking them? It's very intimate

[–] Smorty@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

yeye I know that's also wonderful. Maybe a bit of movement, a small bit of light scritchies. yeah. mhm thats nice, makes me make sounds---

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[–] nightlily@leminal.space 15 points 1 week ago (2 children)

If the British government browsed Lemmy, they’d be very upset right now.

[–] Mistakes@sopuli.xyz 16 points 1 week ago

I hope they do, fuck the British government.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago

They'd be upset anyways since there are trans people and people who understand that Israel is doing genocide in Gaza here

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