this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


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all 38 comments
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[–] ryan213@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 hour ago

Oh wow, that's Dark.

[–] Honytawk@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 4 hours ago
[–] modus@lemmy.world 25 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (2 children)

Why on earth would you think a village of topless, hardworking, fun-loving males would be disrupted or distracted by a female?

[–] myyass@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

Check out Ram Ranch!

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 4 points 7 hours ago

Especially if there were never females before. They obviously don't procreate that way so why would they have any more interest in a female?

[–] hark@lemmy.world 7 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

If gargamel could create smurfs, why did he need to know the location of the smurf village?

[–] ByteJunk@lemmy.world 9 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (2 children)

Smurfette was not a "real smurf" until Papa Smurf cast his own spell (which also made her blond, for some reason).

When Sassette was created by Papa Smurf he used Gargamel's spell and then his own, replicating the same process.

That spell might be one of the true genius creations of Gargamel, but he was missing the "second half" of it.

[–] myyass@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

"Papa Smurf cast his own spell (which also made her blond, for some reason"

I don't think that makes it sound any better.

[–] hark@lemmy.world 2 points 7 hours ago

Ah, makes sense. Thanks!

[–] baeb66@lemmy.today 79 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Gargamel thought that introducing a woman would disrupt Smurf society. But it turns out Smurfs have two personality attributes: the one attached to their name and being very, very into dudes. It's lore. Look it up.

[–] zarathustrad@lemmy.world 67 points 1 day ago (3 children)

I hear they will Smurf a Smurf right in the Smurf.

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 6 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Smurf in my smurf while you smurf my smurf, then call me a smurfy-smurf, you smurfing smurf smurfer

[–] zarathustrad@lemmy.world 11 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (1 children)

A talent agent sits at his desk. A group of four smurfs walk into his office: Papa, Smurfette two others, and a cat. But they aren't human. They are three inches tall, skin bright blue, wearing identical white trousers and floppy white hats.

The agent blinks. "Alright, what's the act?" The Papa steps forward, pulls a tiny wooden flute out of his pocket, and starts playing a bouncy, cheerful tune. "Watch this!" he shouts.

Suddenly, Smurfete jumps into the air, does a triple backflip, and lands perfectly on Papa's shoulders. The two Smurfs start doing perfectly synchronized tap-dancing, their tiny white clogs clacking rhythmically on the agent's desk. Azrael, starts juggling three glowing, magical smurfberries using only its nose.

Then, things get really extreme.

Papa Smurf stops playing the flute and starts aggressively smurfing right in the middle of the desk. He smurfs all over the place! He smurfs to the left, he smurfs to the right, and then he smurfs right into the Smurfette's face. Smurfette looks shocked, but then she turns around and absolutely smurfs the other Smurfs! The Smurfs, not to be outdone, begin to smurf each other with total, reckless abandon.

It is absolute chaos. Smurf this, smurf that, smurfing up up up, and smurfing down down down. They are smurfing the curtains, they are smurfing the paperwork, and they even start smurfing the agent’s favorite coffee mug. The room is practically overflowing with pure, unadulterated smurfery. Gargamel would be absolutely horrified. It is the most intensely smurfed thing the agent has ever seen in his entire career.

Finally, they stop. They take a deep, synchronized bow. They wipe the remaining bits of smurf off their hats, smile warmly, and stand in a neat little line. The talent agent sits there, completely stunned, wiping a stray drop of blue smurf from his glasses. He clears his throat and whispers, "My goodness... that is... quite an act. What do you call yourselves?" The father smiles proudly, raises his hands to the sky, and says:

"The Aristosmurfs!"

[–] banazir@lemmy.ml 33 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I have the weirdest Smurf-on right now.

Ugh I just smurfed all over myself.

That's smurfin hot!

[–] thiscat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 23 hours ago

Imagine if there was Alphasmurf which claimed smurfette will make them gay

[–] SharkAttak@kbin.melroy.org 4 points 1 day ago

Thank god they can't play games online, they'd be awful.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 22 hours ago (1 children)
[–] CapuccinoCoretto@lemmy.world 12 points 20 hours ago

Why are you wearing that silly human suit?

[–] HotsauceHurricane@lemmy.world 10 points 20 hours ago

So you can jot that down Right now.

[–] Rivalarrival@lemmy.today 23 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Well, you can suck a fuck!

[–] Soulphite@reddthat.com 14 points 23 hours ago

Tell me; Rivalarrival, how exactly does one 'suck a fuck'?

[–] UpAndAtThem@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago

Dammit Donnie! Why you gotta get so smart on us!

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 17 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

🎵Papa Smurf can I like yo ass?

Yeah lick my ass bitch! 🎶

[–] FluorineBalloon@programming.dev 1 points 13 hours ago

That's an old old reference I was not existing to see today!

[–] unitedwithme@lemmy.today 19 points 1 day ago

I love Donnie Darko!

[–] don_kiedyck@lemmy.world 9 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

No, see, Papa Smurf films the gangbang, and later on he beats off to the tape.

[–] The_Lurker@lemmy.world 9 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

He really gets off to Smurf films.

[–] doenietzomoeilijk@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 40 minutes ago

Yeah, those really smurf his smurf, if you know what I mean.

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 4 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

So, Genesis, only with extra misogyny?

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 2 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Did Gargamel make the other smurfs too? If not, then it's not really Genesis.

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 2 points 15 hours ago

Genesis from the point where Adam already exists.

[–] garbagebagel@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

I don't think about fucking my family, that's gross.

[–] gothmog@lemmy.today 3 points 1 day ago

Typical woman.