this post was submitted on 18 Apr 2026
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My work gives parental leave based on whether they're the primary caretaker or the secondary one. The primary gets 6 months, the secondary gets 3.
What decider whether you're primary or secondary? Simple. If your partner is taking more than 3 months they're primary.
What this means in practice is that for US-based employees pretty much everyone at my company is the primary caretaker since few people's spouses even have the option for more than 3 months.
You can just lie, no? My employer doesn't get to know the employment status of my spouse; she doesn't work for them. Seems like an invasion of privacy, but I could be misunderstanding the policy. If both companies have that same policy does it cause an infinite loop? 😆
If both employers have the same policy, one spouse selects primary and the other selects secondary.
Still not understanding what would prevent you from both selecting primary. A US company cannot reach into a whole other company's employee records, right? Not without you volunteering that info. I suppose it might be legal to require that info as a condition of that specific type of leave, knowing the US lol. Or if the leave is arranged through the state or shared third-party HR platform I could see how that might automatically sync up.
I just am having trouble trying to imagine giving that level of detail voluntarily unless my arm was twisted. The place I work for barely knows my wife and kid exist because they're on my insurance plan, tax docs, etc. They don't know if my wife even works at all, nevermind for whom and how much time off she's taking from that.