❌ Don't say: 'I don't want a promotion'.
❔Why: you do want to work more for a proportionally small salary increase.
✅ Say: 'I will be pleased to eat shit now both ways for a couple more dollars'.
this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2026
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Kneel and lick the boot!
Steph seems mentally disabled. Not the first PHD I've met who couldn't live outside a classroom.
Me, who is actively avoiding getting promoted to management: write that down, write that down!
There's a few weird bullet points in there (the fact that it tells you you shouldn't be happy to be where you're at being one 🙄), but, all in all, I wouldn't call qualify this as "LinkedIn lunacy" for once.
You have no business leading a team if you say things like "this is not my job" on the regular and deflect responsibility and lack direction more generally.
I smell genAI in the text...
Not necessarily, that's also just how these types of people talk.
Executive turned executive coach = They got fired and couldn't find a job, so now they say their a coach and try to scam people with useless advice.
Wait I can lose my job and then make money as a "life couch" ? Where can I find followers. I have a lot to teach.
100% I’ve seen it happen
“I cleared bandwidth to lead a higher impact project”
No, don’t say that! Say “I hurkledurked the dooper bobble.” It means exactly the same thing (nothing,) but using the business jargon of the 2030s so you stay ahead of the trend.
It kind of sounds like they're advising you to ditch responsibilities that you don't think matter in favor of more important-seeming ones, which is the kind of fucked up ladder climbing and damn the consequences that puts sociopaths in most of the positions of power in the world.
They have a point though. They are telling you to phrase things in a way that makes you look better.
Like how during the war on terror, we didn't torture people, we interrogated them using enhanced methods.
It doesn't make you look better if you're shirking your own work to work on stuff other people want you to do. "Clearing bandwidth for the important task" is a fancy way of saying you're making someone else do your work so you can work on something that someone else considers a higher priority.
Seen that bite helpers in the ass more than once.
A lot of these examples also seem to require you to function differently, or to lie about what you've been doing.
How does speaking like a braindead MBA make you look better?
Because that's the target audience of the speech.
Stooping to new lows do be the 2026 mantra
How else are you going to become an executive and have all the ~~slaves~~ employees do whatever you want?
cool, I guess I will switch back to trading shitcoins if this is what everyone expects because I am definitely not cut to jerk off a manager providing infinitely less value than me
Lol @ #4
That can quickly lead to “Why are you overstepping/ignoring your duties to go over management’s head? We have a chain of command you need to respect” then get you targeted and creatively fired.
You have to do any of these with a load more tact than the management wet dream infographic suggests
Like that really should be "be good at predicting your boss' wants so you can be proactive" or "start work immediately on new work, and talk about it; slack off later, first impressions are better than results"
#7 lol
Don’t say: “I quit”
why? Quitting demonstrates that you are not passionate about your role
Say: “I exist to serve the company”
Why does the illustrated woman on the list look like the stonks meme?
SLAVRY
I’m guessing it’s AI generated, but could be a stock image
*stonk image
Now that I think about it, it makes more sense to apply for promotion instead of asking for one. I don't think the companies I've been in do the old way of jerking off managers to get promotion. Or maybe I'm just lucky.
I work for an international company that locally clears 20-35 million year with 20 employees. They asked me to help them move hundreds of thousands of dollars in inventory in the warehouse while we switch buildings. I said, "That ain't me, dude."
Is hundreds of thousands of dollars of inventory a lot of inventory?
Depending on the nature of the inventory it could be anything between one machine to a full warehouse.
I feel we'd appreciate your comment better if we knew that, and what your normal role in the company is.
It's heavy and a few days worth of work.
Irrespective of the amount of inventory, it's something you may damage while moving, making it your problem, when it's not even your job
Did it have a positive impact? Just curious.
No one cared. It's terribly mismanaged.
Don't say: "Please don't fuck me."
Say: "Sure , but get it in real deep and don't use lube."
If anyone at my company, in any department, in any office, said any of these things, they’d be laughed out of the building by everyone up to and including the VP.
putting "why" before "say" is an interesting choice
Why sayest thou?
I'd rather masturbate with barbed wire than say any of that garbage.