this post was submitted on 18 Feb 2026
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me_irl
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I once had a long-time friend (through her shirt/sleeve holes) take her bra off and throw it at me and then sit on my lap at a party once.
It was another 3 years before I found out she had a huge crush on me and was hoping I would do literally anything other than sit there awkwardly
We really should start teaching people to use words to communicate
That's how my wife got me.
She told me directly. No "read the room" BS. No "pick up the signals". No twirling her hair and winking at you.
Just straight talk. "I'm having a good time. So grab my boobs and then put your tongue in my mouth."
Works every time
Women really don't understand how straight our brains work. We like straightforward things. Straiggt to the point.
That's not reliable, either.
I once was encouraged, vocally and clearly, by a girl to cross the room and kiss her. It would have been my first kiss or, indeed, romantic encounter of any kind in person.
I didn't and we just sat on opposite couches until our friends got tired of checking on us and took us our separate ways.
To be fair, in the era of "first kiss" it's important to remember that we are all awkward as fuck.
Hell, I still am. Nigh a decade of marriage and six years of parenthood and I still have to consider whether my wife wants to be associated with me.
However, I will admit it's not... Usually... As awkward as that first time.
That's not very clear. I mean, there's a variety of reasons why she could have done all of that. You did well to wait three years.
There was this gathering at pub with 10 people or so. I was sitting closely with one, imagine sides touching the hole night, arms around eachother's waists etc. The others eventually left. When we are the only last two from the group, she told me how good of friend I am and ho safe she feels with me.
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Then she gets you naked as a joke. And strands you in the desert.
I've been through the desert
On a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert, you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la
That's America for you.
then she has sex with you, marries you, get two kids, grow up old together and on your deathbed she'll say it was just a prank
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Welp... That went well.
Buuuuuut you get away with the priceless artifact
Probably just being polite
Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masterbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masterbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.
The irony here being
Firefly spoiler
She's actually not into him. Though it's not so much a "joke" as it is "homicidal theft".
There’s a lot of subtext in the YoSaffBridge episodes to indicate that if she was capable of feeling true attraction to and affection for any of her marks, it would be Mal.
Yes, but ...
Unexpected /c/curse-your-sudden-but-inevitable-betrayal
PSA to watch Resident Alien if you haven't. Sci-fi action sitcom based on a Dark Horse comic about an alien who comes to Earth on a mission to destroy it, but then really likes the food. Absolute peak Tudyk.
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I literally had a girl I was being super flirty with come home with me, crawl into my bed and fall asleep next to me once. I convinced myself that she was just being really friendly. She left at 4am.
I once absolutely missed out on doing the hanky panky with a gal...
... because I was absolutely insistent that we must watch all of Inglorious Basterds.
We were literally already in my bed, the entire time.
... But I was apparently more enamored with the movie and functionally spreading it as gospel.
Like, she actually groped me and whispered for me to roll her around and face her, as opposed to me being the big spoon, and I was like "No you don't understand, you have to see this movie."
... I guess the difference here being that I was entirely aware of the possible routes of that uh, encounter, and I consciously chose the movie, lol.
You did nothing wrong. That movie is incredible.
See these eyes so green
I can stare for a thousand years
Colder than the moon
... It's been so long...
...
See these eyes so red
Red like jungle, burning bright
Those who feel me near
Pull the blinds and change their minds
... I remember the immense irony hitting me the next morning.
That the lyrics of that song, that scene, had basically just actually played out... as a result of me very much wanting her to see that scene, hear that song.
What's wrong with her that she wasn't interested in one of the best movies ever
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I had a girl who drunk texted me asking to come over around 9pm because she had too much. Concerned, I let her in, tucked her in my bed, made her some snacks and water, then took out my sleeping bag and slept on the floor.
Later that night, she said the bed was uncomfortable and I asked if she wanted to switch places.
What I'm hearing is that you were a gentleman not willing to take advantage of somebody who didn't have their full wits about them.
I went to visit a good friend in another city once and was slightly confused when we got to the end of the night and there was just her tiny bed in her tiny bedroom
to this day I have no idea if she wanted something to happen, but I'm not gonna make it weird and ruin a friendship at midnight while somewhat drunk and out of town. I'll get into bed with you, but if you want something to happen, YOU make the move. the move was not made. or I was too drunk to notice, idk anymore, I'd forgotten about this
I'm the one who got out of bed super early and went for a walk by the lake for over an hour
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So there was this girl in our friends group I was pretty into in college, but I never believed I was worthy, so I never had the nerve to ask her out. She then transfers to another school across the state and I figure that's the end of it.
A year later, she's returned to my school, and I fall harder than ever. It's my chance to make up for past cowardice and go for the one that got away! So of course I don't do anything.
She texts me one day and says she has an assignment that requires her to have someone peer review an essay and asks for help. I say sure, and she asks if I can come over the next night around 11. She mentions specifically that her roommate will be out of town, and that she's not in a relationship.
I go to her place, and she's wearing yoga stuff, the lights are dim, and there's music plating. She offers me a drink, and sits down next to me on the couch, and I know why she invited me over.
So I put down my drink, look her in the eyes, and ask for the paper.
She's like "Oh, yeah", and goes and prints a paper. I go to the kitchen table, turn on a light, and spend about 10 minutes critiquing it, finish my drink, and leave shortly after to let her get back to work on it.
I didn't realize what I'd done for like a year.
Ouch. And I find myself feeling it just as badly for her, because if she had only been slightly vocal about what she wanted she very well might have had you worshipping her for life. In a good way.
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YoSafBridge
Or as my 2008-era dvd subtitles say, "speaks Chinese"
It made me do a double-take the first time, because it was quite clear what he said.
"Whoa, good bible"
Same, though often I think it's just a subconscious defense mechanism.
A special place in hell...
It's wild that a young Christina Hendricks is in this shot
"Kissing? Isn't that... special"
My asexual ass feels personally attacked
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