Already felt like I lived too long. Not sure I can do this another 40
this post was submitted on 28 May 2026
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As someone in his mid-40s, yep. I don't think that's all that new, though.
I was one of those lucky elder millennials who got to own a home by my mid 20s. Bought cheap, the market exploded and several years later made bank off the sale of the property. I thought for once in my life I would treat myself and wife and go after our dream home. I successfully did it and it was great, but real life caught up, had to take care of my grandmother and disabled sister since no one else in the family would. It drained our bank account and had to sell the house at a massive loss and am now living with in laws in a converted shed in their backyard. Now, strapped with debt, I barely see a way back to home ownership, even renting is not in the cards for at least a couple years.
It's awful that in the span of 3 years I went from the happiest, most comfortable I've been in my entire life, to the most stressed and on the verge of homelessness, all due to fucking shit healthcare and shit ass family.
'murica yeah!
Cynicism aside, I am sorry things are so fucked up for you (and also increasingly so for everyone).
Am 43, can confirm.
45 no kids drinking gin tonics on a rooftop bar in Malaga atm
- Eating cereal for lunch.
45, with 11 and 15 year old kids, currently hoping the Excedrin Migraine I took kicks in soon
It was strange being first time parents at that age, while meeting younger couples who were becoming grandparents
A big part of the reason we didn’t have a third kid was the “advanced maternal age” classification, and scary increases in potential genetic issues when the mother hits 40
It's always odd for me I'm slightly older than that but I was just at my great-niece and great nephew's graduation party and I had the youngest child there. While also being a grandfather to one with a second one on the way.
Weirdly accurate. Early 40's and about to get a divorce and start over. Losing the house I've been in for 12 years and will likely see my children much less. I'm excited and petrified of whats to come.
The journey is shit but the destination is worth it. Keep your kids in mind with everything you do and you'll always be ahead.
Sorry but, isn't the destination... Death? If so, I agree completely ❤️
I was specifically referring to the divorce journey, with the destination being more or less settled after it's finalized.
Your interpretation definitely works though 😆
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Mid-forties are a decision point. It's when you decide to either get healthy, and stay healthy the rest of your life, or... you don't.
Your body starts falling apart faster if you don't maintain it. Unlike the years before, the health losses are forever.
Fair warning.
Yeah, I'm in my very early 40's now and after being really skinny for all my life, I'm suddenly getting a beer belly
Having some emotional hardships in the last 2 years didn't help with that either.
So, my first step will be to stop drinking and smoking daily, and start to do some sport, with surfing on holidays being the motivation.
But every time, I'm getting back from a (usually demanding) business trip, I can't do anything, but lay flat.
Like many times, I'm now suffering with a fever and some sinusitis since a week as I got back home.
Every fucking time, I've build up some physical condition, I'm getting sick with something and seemingly lose everything I've won.
This is really frustrating and I'm not sure, how I can break that cycle.
Obviously food (besides stopping to drink and smoke) has a major impact.
But as my wife is a vegetarian, everything I'm cooking is usually vegetarian and healthy already.
On business trips though, they aren't those romantic business trips with good food, wine and just networking.
I'm working in industry warehouses and all the restaurants around are usually rather shit.
I usually don't have lunch, as it makes me too tired in the afternoon. So I tried to have something like Soylent (in my case, I stuck with Plenny + milk and fresh fruits instead of just water) and that felt better.
But it gets quite boring after a few months.
I think, finding a goal, like being able to surf and not just die breathless on the board, is the way to go for me.
But every time, I start for such a regime, I'm getting sick and it feels like everything was for nothing, because all the condition I've build up is seemingly lost again...
Would be very much open for suggestions, because I can't really find a way out, but I have to.
I'm getting more and more unhappy with myself.
It sounds like you could be pushing yourself too hard and too often. I find that typically happens when I've trained hard for about 2 months without a proper deload period, where you continue to workout but reduce the effort by like 75%. Recovery is extremely important.
Diet can have a huge impact on your recovery and fatigue levels. You might be lacking in the nutrition area so its probably worth having a consult with a Dietician - not a nutritionist.
Also water, it can actually help with energy levels if you drink the correct amount of water that your body needs.
Stick with it mate, your body with adapt in time. Just take it easy on yourself and give yourself small goals that you can achieve without specific timelimits. Goals like, I'll go to the gym twice this week or I'll get to bed by 8pm etc etc - nothing huge but its more behavioural goals rather than saying I'm going to squat twice my bodyweight in 2 months or something.
Thank you!
Yeah, when we go surfing - the 1-2 weeks a year, when we're able to travel - I'm really over doing myself.
I find it really hard to recover the older I get.
When I was younger, I had sore muscles as well, but a day going slower was usually enough.
Now I don't think, I'm pushing myself, but the soreness builds up and I need days to recover.
And I can't enjoy the sort in my holiday.
This year, we plan to go in September.
So I'll start training up with some back, hip and shoulder exercises, which I need for my back anyway.
And then start to add up step by step.
Hopefully that works out better :-)
Diet-wise, I just need to get rid of the booze.
I really like my beer, but I think, the party's over now...
You've got the right attitude - its an investment in yourself that your future self with benefit from. Good luck on your journey.
I don't know if it's at all possible for you and depends on where you live and work, but I try to integrate "little sports" in my daily life. I try to cycle and walk to places as much as possible, instead of bus or tram. Try to use staircases instead of elevators. Etc. It can be small things, but easier to keep up than a real sporty regime.
Yeah, that's a good thing!
By bike I'm much faster at the warehouse with by test station and during summer I do that.
Only in winter and with rain, I use the car.
And you're right, that already seems to make a difference.
Regarding your hint with the stairs:
Doing that already.
In hotels I'm using the stairs to train myself a bit and at home in only in the first floor (well, 1,5 because if the entrance stairs to the house)
It sounds childish, but since if got a SmartWatch, it motivates me, that I can see the daily/weekly statistics of how many stairs I took.
Gamification really seems to work ;-)
You're aware of all the changes you need to make, or at least you have a strong intuition. All of my lasting adaptations have been built on tiny increments gained over time, and only from a place of love. Be kind to yourself. Also, if you're not already looking at it, strongly consider your sleep hygiene. Good, consistent sleep is the base of the pyramid. No lasting change, especially when it comes to one's physical condition, can be sustained if your sleep is shit.
Thanks for the kind words :-)
Sleep is probably an issue as well, yes ...
I'm often on business trips and my work schedule isn't set in stone.
If a customer needs help, I'll be up at night.
On business trips, I don't have any free day and work through - and with often changed times, as I can't change anything during production, but can only monitor.
So I need to do the changes at night and if I change anything on the weekend, I need to be there at Monday morning (5-6) to monitor the production start.
I think, changing the stuff I do in my free time, could help me to handle this work life better.
I'll start with little things now, as soon as I've got finally rid of this fucking flu...
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