As someone in his mid-40s, yep. I don't think that's all that new, though.
this post was submitted on 28 May 2026
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I was one of those lucky elder millennials who got to own a home by my mid 20s. Bought cheap, the market exploded and several years later made bank off the sale of the property. I thought for once in my life I would treat myself and wife and go after our dream home. I successfully did it and it was great, but real life caught up, had to take care of my grandmother and disabled sister since no one else in the family would. It drained our bank account and had to sell the house at a massive loss and am now living with in laws in a converted shed in their backyard. Now, strapped with debt, I barely see a way back to home ownership, even renting is not in the cards for at least a couple years.
It's awful that in the span of 3 years I went from the happiest, most comfortable I've been in my entire life, to the most stressed and on the verge of homelessness, all due to fucking shit healthcare and shit ass family.
'murica yeah!
Cynicism aside, I am sorry things are so fucked up for you (and also increasingly so for everyone).
Am 43, can confirm.
45 no kids drinking gin tonics on a rooftop bar in Malaga atm
45, with 11 and 15 year old kids, currently hoping the Excedrin Migraine I took kicks in soon
The difference was 5% returns from their 20's.
That's all it takes to spread the gap. I'll retire a multi millionaire, im 43 now, and some of my friend are just starting to save.
The math, If you save $500 a month from 20-29 and never invest again you will have 2-4 mil at retirement depending on returns.
If your start saving at 40 for the same numbers you need to save 10,000 a month until retirement.
I really can't understand what this comment had to do at all with the post. Though the idea that I had five hundred extra dollars a month when in my twenties is laughable.
Im in my 40's, wealthier than ever and having spare 500 (in local equivalent) to save sounds unlikely. Also I'd be loosing money just keeping it in the bank with their fees and inflation.
It was strange being first time parents at that age, while meeting younger couples who were becoming grandparents
A big part of the reason we didn’t have a third kid was the “advanced maternal age” classification, and scary increases in potential genetic issues when the mother hits 40
It's always odd for me I'm slightly older than that but I was just at my great-niece and great nephew's graduation party and I had the youngest child there. While also being a grandfather to one with a second one on the way.
Weirdly accurate. Early 40's and about to get a divorce and start over. Losing the house I've been in for 12 years and will likely see my children much less. I'm excited and petrified of whats to come.
The journey is shit but the destination is worth it. Keep your kids in mind with everything you do and you'll always be ahead.
Sorry but, isn't the destination... Death? If so, I agree completely ❤️
I was specifically referring to the divorce journey, with the destination being more or less settled after it's finalized.
Your interpretation definitely works though 😆
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Mid-forties are a decision point. It's when you decide to either get healthy, and stay healthy the rest of your life, or... you don't.
Your body starts falling apart faster if you don't maintain it. Unlike the years before, the health losses are forever.
Fair warning.
Yeah, I'm in my very early 40's now and after being really skinny for all my life, I'm suddenly getting a beer belly
Having some emotional hardships in the last 2 years didn't help with that either.
So, my first step will be to stop drinking and smoking daily, and start to do some sport, with surfing on holidays being the motivation.
But every time, I'm getting back from a (usually demanding) business trip, I can't do anything, but lay flat.
Like many times, I'm now suffering with a fever and some sinusitis since a week as I got back home.
Every fucking time, I've build up some physical condition, I'm getting sick with something and seemingly lose everything I've won.
This is really frustrating and I'm not sure, how I can break that cycle.
Obviously food (besides stopping to drink and smoke) has a major impact.
But as my wife is a vegetarian, everything I'm cooking is usually vegetarian and healthy already.
On business trips though, they aren't those romantic business trips with good food, wine and just networking.
I'm working in industry warehouses and all the restaurants around are usually rather shit.
I usually don't have lunch, as it makes me too tired in the afternoon. So I tried to have something like Soylent (in my case, I stuck with Plenny + milk and fresh fruits instead of just water) and that felt better.
But it gets quite boring after a few months.
I think, finding a goal, like being able to surf and not just die breathless on the board, is the way to go for me.
But every time, I start for such a regime, I'm getting sick and it feels like everything was for nothing, because all the condition I've build up is seemingly lost again...
Would be very much open for suggestions, because I can't really find a way out, but I have to.
I'm getting more and more unhappy with myself.
It sounds like you could be pushing yourself too hard and too often. I find that typically happens when I've trained hard for about 2 months without a proper deload period, where you continue to workout but reduce the effort by like 75%. Recovery is extremely important.
Diet can have a huge impact on your recovery and fatigue levels. You might be lacking in the nutrition area so its probably worth having a consult with a Dietician - not a nutritionist.
Also water, it can actually help with energy levels if you drink the correct amount of water that your body needs.
Stick with it mate, your body with adapt in time. Just take it easy on yourself and give yourself small goals that you can achieve without specific timelimits. Goals like, I'll go to the gym twice this week or I'll get to bed by 8pm etc etc - nothing huge but its more behavioural goals rather than saying I'm going to squat twice my bodyweight in 2 months or something.
I don't know if it's at all possible for you and depends on where you live and work, but I try to integrate "little sports" in my daily life. I try to cycle and walk to places as much as possible, instead of bus or tram. Try to use staircases instead of elevators. Etc. It can be small things, but easier to keep up than a real sporty regime.
You're aware of all the changes you need to make, or at least you have a strong intuition. All of my lasting adaptations have been built on tiny increments gained over time, and only from a place of love. Be kind to yourself. Also, if you're not already looking at it, strongly consider your sleep hygiene. Good, consistent sleep is the base of the pyramid. No lasting change, especially when it comes to one's physical condition, can be sustained if your sleep is shit.
Starting to lift was the best decision I ever made at 40
I really, really wish I could get back into it. I had some severe back injuries and now I have days where I can barely stand. Physical therapy helped a bit, but they have said that some risky (and very expensive) spine surgery is my best bet to get back to semi normal.
What are you looking at, disc replacement?
Seriously! I have the best physique I've ever had and look five years younger. It costs me three hours a week and a little effort.
Care to share your workout regime?
I have a real problem if keeping it up for more than 2 weeks...
3 hours a week sounds manageable though
Not who you asked but I think the absolute best bang for your buck would be a simple barbell program. 531 for Beginners you could run this program for a year and It will completely change your physique. To make a dead simple I would install the boostcamp app and use it to track your sets/reps/progress, it has instructions for the exercises which are easy to learn
Same but cycling. Stumbling into a workout that I look forward to was game changing.
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44 is the average age we start to fall apart rapidly, then again at 60. There are periods of rapid deterioration compared to the 50s or 70s.
It's the same thing as a growth spurt in your teens, except tragic and with crunching from the knees.
I'm lucky, mine started at 40. And then I had my first kid. Great combo!
Yeah, I’m at that latter age and my knees have been going for a while. However it’s just now that I’m noticing that by using my knees less I’m losing muscle fast.
I’ve completed the spending part of lifting weights. Last summer I cleaned out my garage to turn into a gym, then over winter got some equipment. Now I need to assemble. ….. then see if I can develop the habit to actually lift
After high school or college the training wheels are completely off and the guard rails imposed by parents and schools are essentially gone. You’re no longer surrounded by people of similar socioeconomic backgrounds and especially age.
Nobody’s telling you that the “successful relationship” assignment is due by 30, “marriage” by 32, “kid(s)” by 35, etc.
You’re on your own. You don’t have to conform socially anymore, you can get away with ignoring rules. Maybe it works and you become a trendsetter, or maybe you end up in a tent under a bridge. A lot of what happens is luck, good or bad, and a lot of that luck is going to come from how well off your family was when you were young. You’re far more likely to be exposed to other people’s randomness, too, and that can push you up the ladder quickly or wreck you.
There’s variables that you can control and even more that are outside your control once the guard rails are gone that will make your life very different from your peers.
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