This is why I avoid friendships with most people, they seemingly come with such long list of expectations that are completely unmanageable for me.
this post was submitted on 08 Sep 2026
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Any idea what the difference is between just saying that about the social batteries, because one simply doesn't care and those batteries being really empty, due to mental health struggles? Would you tell Christine Miserandino to "just be a friend", when she explains that she is not able to come? And please don't tell me, that that is different, because Lupus is a real Illness, whereas mental illnesses …
The difference is what you do around it.
Friend's birthday is coming up next week, and they care about you and you wanna show you care about them? Well the day before (or whatever timeline you need), you don't do anything that drains your batteries, or do things to recharge them, so that when it's time to go to the party, the battery is full.
If we're gonna treat social as a limited resource, then being a good friend means spending that resource on them. If we give it a number, then let's say a birthday gift costs 50. It doesn't matter if your battery holds 100 or 100, save 50 for the party.
I have a relative who does the battery thing, and the key thing that puts them in the "doesn't care" category despite a mental disorder that absolutely qualifies them for the battery analogy, is they just don't spend their battery unless it's a benefit to them. They won't spend it on one of their friends unless it's one of like, 2 specific people, so it's an excuse.
Nah you're right. I have this 'social battery' thing, and I am a very good friend. In fact being with my friends doesn't drain my battery at all (except a couple of them when they get their hands on some substances, but that's another matter), and when there's an occasion that could be specially draining (like a birthday with many people I don't know, noise/loud music, or whatever) I would do some preparations to keep the battery charged beforehand. For a birthday, if they are only a classmate and not really a friend I might very well pass, tho.
That 'nobody wants to BE a friend' oozes the same entitlement that 'nobody wants to work'. If your 'friends' don't want to go to your birthday it is, very likely, because you're a cunt and a bad friend yourself, Kari, and they were trying to be polite with the battery excuse.
I think it's mostly about the imbalance. If you struggle with mental health and have very limited capacity for social interaction then you can't have a bunch of close friends because friendships require effort to maintain them.
In general this is an issue of our time because we have to deal with a lot of information and communication in our day to day life (specifically work) so there's not much juice/battery/spoons/whatever-you-want-to-call-it left at the end of the day.
My parents would always tell me about how much harder their schedules were when they had to feed cattle and clean barns all day but those are physical tasks. They'd go socialize after all this work because their brains were craving it and ignoring some sore muscles is easier than ignoring a sore brain.
Yes, some people just won't understand and make faulty assumptions when they refuse your explanations.
I know some people like that, and it's exhausting. They want support and want to vent, but when it's time to do the reverse they will have an excuse. Then they wonder why they rotate through friends quickly.
I will send you memes and lend you money. Otherwise I try not to bother you.
I still feel terrible for not going to Buck's funeral