this post was submitted on 03 Jun 2026
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Dad Jokes
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I would ask the genie to introduce me to someone who would be a good friend and help me improve myself, make amends, and grow.
My enemy would get two of these people, and hopefully after a while, she wouldn’t be an enemy, just a someone.
And they hate each other so your enemy is forced to choose and live rest of the life wondering 'what if?'.
Diabolical.
Parents during the divorce.
She doesn’t have enough introspection to form a concept like “what if,” she’s still hung up on “why am I, the main character, experiencing any bad things at all.”
Unless your the asshole in this adversarial relationship, then they still hate you but you’ve made their life better. Which would make you not the asshole, unless you did it only because of a flawed plan. My head hurts
Everyone’s an asshole to someone.
And sometimes people hurt other people, and they hold a grudge against the people they hurt, and perhaps even hate them for it.
Shit’s unfair, humans are messy.
I try to be good to almost but not entirely everyone.
See that’s where we differ, I’m an asshole to everyone! Because I’m the CIA and that’s how we do!
That’s entirely fair, and I apologize for last night, when I took the Shit That Won’t Quit™ and your boss said you’d be docked pay if you flinched away from watching.
Not gonna lie, I was both disgusted and impressed at the same time, kinda like when you drive past a horrific car crash and can’t stop looking
I'm not anybodys enemy. I'm the person you forget you had any interaction with. The kind of person that daily employees still don't know my name after working there for 7+ years.