this post was submitted on 21 Jan 2026
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Microblog Memes
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Seagulls have no care for your foolish ideas of hierarchies
Scream it at the seagull instead, act like a damn apex predator. Seagulls don't speak human, you need to speak seagull.
Real apex predators pull out a glock.
If you grab a gull out of the air and scream in its face it'll leave you alone
scream in its face
We have tools for that: the Glock lol
so I pull out my gun!
Swing big things, like a towel, and they're gone for a while.
That said, when you are between them and their young all bets are off. Huge birds they are.
Where is the news article about the man who threw a gull against a wall for stealing his chip?
Gotta maintain position on the food chain. I'm with chip man
Most birds are running an evolved intimidation algorithm that has more to do with humans rarely ever standing their ground, much less retaliating. I'm more used to Canada geese charging and trying to bite with their tongue depressor-like beaks. But apparently gulls, despite being 4 times less massive than geese, do have the potential to poke eyes with their sturdy beak and scratch the face with their claws.
As a former Austin resident, I am wise enough to know that the price of a.peaceful lunch is to leave some leftovers for the grackle overlords. Fail to do this and they will shit on you, your car, AND your lunch...then steal it.
Going to the beach in California I cannot for the life of me figure out why people act like seagulls are so mysterious and difficult to figure out: just keep your shit secure and they won’t get into it?
Seagull: My name's not Apex, can't eat me!
You’ll feed the shit-hawks and you’ll like it.
With other humans: apex predators.
Alone: dumb meat.
That's OP's fault for not bringing their beach gun.
Bird: "You are gullible."
Sorry not sorry.