this post was submitted on 21 Feb 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 37 comments
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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 63 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 26 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

bulging, pulsing, aching...

what were we talking about again?

[–] wabafee@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] thorhop@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 weeks ago

"Life is a naked mole-rat"

Wabafee@lemmy.world

[–] loaf@sh.itjust.works 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

And sometimes, it comes at you fast.

[–] M137@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Even a bit premature at times, mostly a disappointing situation.

[–] Catoblepas@piefed.blahaj.zone 40 points 2 weeks ago

Will the doctor help me if it’s hard for longer than 4 hours? 🥺

[–] TheGiantKorean@lemmy.today 26 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Sometimes I just sigh and think to myself, gosh, I wish life wasn't so turgid and veiny with a huge bulbous head and pre-cum dripping down the shaft.

[–] khanh@lemmy.zip 39 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] M137@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Hahah, never seen that meme before and this was the perfect context to do so. Thanks for the laugh!

[–] FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I wish my life didn't throw so many hard curves at me. Sometimes I feel like i'm endlessly bouncing around, and it's not always fulfilling.

And then when life stops being hard it just feels... Too dry? It irritates me.

[–] stiffyGlitch@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Ok that actually is relatable

[–] FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] stiffyGlitch@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

Well it's my actual name too...

craziest thing is, i dont have a dick! Stiffenicus is my full name

[–] basxto@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 2 weeks ago

Sometime I wish it was

[–] Rollade@lemmy.ml 21 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Isn't there a snake venom that makes it hard for the rest of your life (without antidote)

[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I always just assumed it was hard for the rest of your penis’ life, and after a certain point without adequate blood flow…

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago

The rest of my penis' life IS the rest of my life, one way or the other.

[–] baremetaldev@programming.dev 1 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

You might be thinking of one of the Brazilian Wandering Spiders https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phoneutria_nigriventer

Was featured in the second part of this brilliant documentary https://archive.org/details/deep_jungle

Presenter runs into one while searching for a spider that had reportedly made off with a chicken (not the same spider).

[–] Rollade@lemmy.ml 1 points 2 weeks ago

That's is probably what I thought about, pretty easy to get things mixed with my surface level documenty knowledge. Just remembered that there was a creature that gives you a boner and you may die if it's untreated.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 12 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Call nobody if the hard-on lasts for more than several decades.

[–] lengau@midwest.social 10 points 2 weeks ago

If your life is hard for more than 4 hours, consult a doctor.

Lol jk that's too expensive.

[–] mycodesucks@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

2026 begs to differ.

[–] smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 weeks ago

And if it's hard for far longer than it should be, that's an indication that something is wrong.

[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

It's hard every morning waking up though

[–] FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

Oh it seems that the great minds of Lemmy think alike

[–] gegil@sopuli.xyz 3 points 2 weeks ago

For once, the truth has been told on the internet.

[–] OriginEnergySux@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Life is like a penis, its too short

[–] MashedHobbits@lemy.lol 2 points 2 weeks ago

And if it’s always down, you can get pills to fix it.

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

It’s been up and f everything in sight for a year

[–] jeffep@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

But it's hard if it's up and not hard if it's down?

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

And sometimes it gets cut short.

[–] QuinnyCoded@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 weeks ago

not quite sure how my estrogen injections play into this analogy lol

[–] mydoomlessaccount@infosec.pub 1 points 2 weeks ago

Life comes at you fast.

[–] mrmisses@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

Life is like my penis, available upon request