"Oh no! Not the thing with the garden hose and the lion I hope?!"
this post was submitted on 29 Jul 2026
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me_irl
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Live your life in such a way that if the worst shit you do gets leaked, everyone in your life's response will be:
"hahaha... yeah... that's classic him/her."
The implication is it's nudes or a sex tape. Something private, not shameful.
I guess even in the case that that would bother me, we live in an era where anybody with any photo of anybody can produce hours of AI generated fakes anyway.
I come down firmly on the "The people who matter don't care and the people who care don't matter" side of this.
The KGB considered french diplomats immune to blackmail due to how widespread cheating is. When they approached them, the diplomat would ask for a copy the tape so they could show off how hot their hookup was.
Mfer if you have the videos you'd know that's not leaking that's pee. Gallons and gallons of pee.
The exhibitionist in me would get my clue so hard knowing I got leaked
I've got a raging clue
I had a spam email this morming that started out something like "Greetings Sinner"
And I was just like, damn right, then deleted it.
What an opener, I'm going to use that one. Thanks, sinner
The #1 tennis player in the world's name is Yanik Sinner. What a bad ass family name.
My fav is to reply with memes, like this (I know you aren't supposed to, since they'll know your account is active):
My favorite is the one when they text me that they hacked my phone and took video of me masturbating while watching porn. I'm like "homie, knowing that you're watching makes it so much hotter".
"Give me $7000 in bitcoin or I will send the video to your loved ones." Uh, joke's on you motherfucker.
If you get blackmailed and the leverage is based on information, never comply because you can't trust the blackmailer to destroy the leverage or not leak it. Otherwise they can blackmail you over and over.
If you get blackmailed with anything, go to the police. Blackmail is extremely illegal.
If only the cops were trustworthy...
And only if the blackmailer is in a jurisdiction that gives a fuck.
acting like my body is a crime scene instead of a work of art
"Give it to me. I'll leak it myself."
...
"Now, I am the leaker!"
Right?
Wait, you have pictures? Which ones? I wanna make sure they're the good set.
Okay Hamilton
I don’t see any other way to deal with this than leak them yourself.
"Do it, I have a humiliation fetish, make me cum daddy 🤤😤🥺"
Scammers are never prepared for that one. I do this to those spam emails that say "I'VE HACKED YOUR COMPUTER, PAY ME BITCOIN OR I RELEASE WEBCAM VIDEOS"
so far I've yet to have one call my bluff after I've called theirs.
If you reply to a spam message then the spammer will know that they have a valid address.
I have gotten fewer spam messages when I respond with other spam messages I have received. They think they got another spam number and remove it. If its a call, sometimes Ill answer, and mute the line so they cannot hear anything. I just wait it out, I don't get repeat calls after a few of those. if the person setting up the call system is caused any form of financial damage or risk for me tying up their lines, and costing them both literal money per minute as well as missed opportunity to scam some old person, I don't mind doing a little here and there. As a treat.
Good for them, they've yet to get anything else out of me but my contempt but they're welcome to keep trying; my spam filter usually works anyways so the only time I even get to see these messages is when I have to check my spam folder for something.
Crazy how so many people seem to ha e Webcam videos of me despite me not having a Webcam.
When did they sneak into my bedroom???
That's a misunderstanding on you. They took videos of a Webcam just sitting there on top of a monitor.
That's hot. Keep going.
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You're talking to computer programs and wondering why they don't call your bluff?
You have my webcam videos? Amateur. I'll give you a live show if you want.
Just send a pic back. No other reaponse.
Better yet, set up a script to just constantly send dick picks back at all hours, at random.
Scammers are never prepared for that one.
Idk about "never prepared" so much as "getting this shit constantly and finding it annoying".
Shit's so farmed out anyway. There isn't some singular guy who is manually typing out ransom demands for random shit. There's a call center in a bombed over region of Kyiv or a slave compound in the Philippines where some schlub sitting in front of a dozen ipads is being whipped until they send 100 texts a minute.
Then all these places are being replaced by even more shitty and incoherent AI datacenter virtualizations anyway.
The thing is, they're looking for the stupid people.
If you're smart, you might get scammed out of a couple hundred bucks. Maybe in the low thousands if they're very lucky.
When you're stupid, you can end up selling your house to give money to the scammers because you've bought into the scam.
And I don't mean stupid as in low intellectual capacity, I mean stupid as in, you have not been educated on what scams look like, what they feel like, or how they act.
When I lived in Florida, this old woman hit the news because scammers called her claiming to be the police and they asked her to help them with a case by putting $5000 of her own money in a paper bag and leaving it at a shopping mall. She did this so they called her again and said they almost got the guy but that they wanted her to leave another five grand in a paper sack at the mall. So she did it again. She only ended up calling the police because the scammers called her a third time and when she left the paper bag full of money nobody came to get it. They must have figured at that point that nobody could possibly be that gullible and lost their nerve.
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I took those photos back when I looked hot, please do leak them. I want people to think I still look like that.
Why did you take them back? … Ooooh
ifunny will be around till the heat death of the universe lol
I once got an email with the subject line that was just an old password of mine. Which admittedly was alarming, and then the content was demanding bitcoins from me or they'd send pictures from my webcam (that I didn't have) to all my friends and relatives. I was like well I don't believe you have those but if I'm somehow wrong I look good naked so enjoy everyone.
You want to stuff me and make me leak?
I hope this finds you well, NULL. John Lastname. If this email isn't the best way to contact you, maybe XXX-XXX-3681 is?
You do not know who I am, but I know all about you. You may have heard of Pegasus? If not, let me fill you in: I have access to your phone, PC, and every smart device in your house at 123 Fake Street. I have your Facebook, your LinkedIn, and even your phone contacts. While you thought you were alone, I saw every disgusting, illegal thing you were searching. I have recordings of you side by side with the interesting videos you were watching.
Don't get me wrong, John. I'm not a monster. I know what they will do to people like you in prison, and I'm willing to offer you a sliver of hope. Send me $2000 USD in bitcoin to { btcWallet %} within the next 48 hours and I will make sure nobody else finds out about your guilty little habit. If you cooperate, I will run my program that guarantees every last video of you is shredded. If you don't, well, let's just say that you won't ever get this opportunity again. You know what they say about things on the internet: once it's up, it's never coming down.
And John, don't think you can pretend this will go away. I embedded a tracker in this email. I know when you received it. I know when you opened it. Remember: 48 hours. What happens next is your choice alone.
it's not that I have nothing to hide, it's that I have no shame :P
I'm not hiding my sex life for my sake, I'm hiding them because grandma doesn't want to know her granddaughter goes to bdsm clubs, and I'm a kind enough person to give her that
Ahaha yeah that's fair enough I suppose, all my relatives that I could be embarrassed by are gone :/
Mofo what u talking about? I've OF
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