this post was submitted on 28 Jun 2026
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me_irl
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Yeah, at a certain point, you can continue to blame them, but the responsibility to fix it ultimately falls on you regardless. Go ahead and blame them, but don’t use it as an excuse to not work on yourself and improve.
Like most difficulties in life, be it trauma, neurodivergance, or any number of other issues; they're explanations, not excuses.
Much like mental illness. Your depression doesn't stop you from working out or going for a walk, but it might make it really really hard to start. You can use that as an excuse and never start or you can acknowledge this is why you never want to start. You just have to do it, or rely on someone to get you to do it like a good friend or partner.
If you let depression stop you from walking you'll never walk and get the benefits from it which could help you beat or mitigate depression. Maybe after 2 years of daily walks you won't be depression free, but its almost guaranteed you'll be doing better.
Wow thanks I’m cured.
Or you can just die which depression sometimes leads to -- like it's a disease. How come some people survive cancer and some don't? The disease is different for each person. Same with depression.
Not doing things like walking or other things that have been proven good for mental health when you have depression is akin to not getting treatment for cancer. Some people still die from cancer while on treatments, but a lot more of them survive than the ones that don't attempt treatment.
Blame is a mechanism specifically designed to absolve oneself of responsibility. "Hey, I just wanted to let everyone know this fucked up thing I do is because my mom didn't tie my shoelaces properly.". The people affected by your actions don't need to know why you do this fucked up thing, they just want you to stop doing it to them.
It can be, and is often used that way, but it doesn't have to be.
And, generally, knowing the root causes of problems helps in best figuring out how to fix them.
My therapist mentioned its 80% awareness, 20% adding effective skills. But it can take a long ass time to rewire the engrained habits with new neuropathways habitually remembering and applying effective skills
There are some things that can't be fixed. Being physically impacted by a decision your parent made can't just be undone, depending on what it is. It could be intentional or it could be an accident, but it's still permanent.
Or, better yet, rather than blaming, realize they are flawed like all people, and that they accidentally or purposefully instilled some bad qualities in you - the sort all people have.
Be mindful of the origin of those bad qualities and how you have acted over the years to reinforce them. Then, knowing the origin of your bad behaviors and ways of thinking, you can improve.
Go on then, fix the foundations of society... Fix the whole economic/political system of Capitalism.
Do it. It's clearly about generational problems and the wealth structures of society.
I’ll stick to myself thanks. That’s enough of a challenge.