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RULES:
RELATED COMMUNITIES:
I see people badmouthing this but it sounds like a case of 1. It's easy to forget and stop seeing the beauty that you see every day and 2. A lighthearted corporate goal stated to try to get people to come together and just take a moment to appreciate some of nature's beauty
The river brings life. The river brings prosperity.
You have to be kind of a fucked up person if you can't appreciate the river.
Rotting in the mines is probably where you belong if you can't appreciate the river.
"Imagine diving down to the bottom, expelling all the air from your lungs, and just waiting for the river's sweet embrace to take you. I hear it's a surprisingly peaceful way to go. I yearn for that with all my being. Monday mornings, eh? Do these windows open?"
You need help.
Later during performance review:
"I noticed you are having issues staying on task; you need to minimize the distractions around you to make sure this doesn't become problematic for work"
This is being hyperbolic, but at least the lordes and tyrants of the past used to just steal your food or murder you.
These modern replacements like playing with their food.
That's... actually kinda cute? I mean, it has a Michael Scott vibe to it? Like he's trying really hard to get them to appreciate the river? I believe I might be overusing the questionmark? Oh my god I can't stop? Send help?
Depending on the situation, might be related to rto
Where?
The river, the one with all the ducks.
What kind of boat do you suppose that is?
Ngl I would have a ball with this.
"Hey boss you excited for the beginning of trout spawning season?"
"Did anyone else see that body float by a minute ago?"
"I think we could drown whoever came up with this dumb idea in this nicer river!"
A friend told me that as part of a “team bonding exercise” they were asked to sing one of their favorite songs with the lyrics re-worded about their job or company and I am so thankful that this bullshit hasn’t spread to my country yet.
うっせぇうっせぇうっせぇわ
うっせぇうっせぇうっせぇわ
私が俗に言う天才です
Fits perfectly.
There are so many songs from the labor movement that can easily be modified for the modern office environment, I'm sure your boss will love it.
🎵 You write 16 reports and what do you get
🎵 Another day older and deeper in debt
or
🎵 My dad was an accountant and I'm an accountants son
🎵 And I'll stick with the union till every battle 's won
...
🎵 I know a task that gets on everybody's nerves...🎵
🎵Why does this meeting never end🎵
🎵it just goes on and on my friend🎵
🎵Some C-suite level jokers heard that number must go up🎵
🎵This could have been an email but we'll forever ever wonder...🎵
🎵I suffer, but why?🎵 - Napalm Death
Just sing Gwar - Sick of You, unchanged
let me out of the office to experience it, then
First thing monday morning.
Looks at river, "If I was in that river Id be so wet right now."
Boss starts looking worried.
"I bet if that river splashed me in the face we'd need two towels to clean it all up!"
Then I dont need to comment on it again until next monday.
well shit... my top comment is going to be about fucking a river now I guess...
From: jrandom@company.tld
To: everyone@company.tld
Subject: River observations 2026-04-27
Everyone,
I would like to point out that the river appears to be wet. I would also like to observe that I saw at least three (3) separate ducks on the river so far.
We will revisit this topic next Monday as per company guidelines.
J. Random
Widget Testing Dept.
Clearly, this needs to be a meeting with 20 people. We need to get consensus on the number and color of ducks, and what to do about them. Plus there's the more elementary question of whether water can be wet.
It needs to be 2 hours. The only slot that everyone has free is during lunch, so I booked that.
"Boy, that river is moving pretty fast. I bet if I fell in you wouldn't be able to find my body for weeks..."
Three... Three towels?
Four towels is a bit excessive don’t you think?
next week...
I just want to go down and slowly insert two of my fingers into that river and feel how wet it it! Then id pull them out and watch it slowly run down my arm.
I bet it smells like fish...
ok im good until next week!
Wait, what? Unless that's an allegory for AI or something, that actually sounds pretty nice.
It's the forced small talk that the OP has an issue with, not the actual view.
I thought it's some very lame attempt at making it so a RTO mandate is "here to stay," by memeing about the fucking office view.
Maybe I'm too deliberately obtuse, but I would make so much fun out of this, taking it as an opportunity to research useless river facts. Like "did you know this river starts at X/was named after Y?", specific facts about its wildlife, etc. Just pretend I'm intensely interested in the river beyond its utility for small talk until it goes from something everyone is sick of into a running gag (that everyone is slightly less sick of).
Which I guess ironically feeds into what the boss wants, but at least it's not painful.
Find a local river monitoring org and see if you can get the nombers for oxygen saturation, PH and pollution information. Odds are they aren’t great.
In the mines they make everyone stand in a circle every morning and take turns each day giving stretches for us all to do
I would rather say look at all them chickens
Plot twist. Boss is actually the river and just wants to hear nice things about it.
Maybe he doesn't remember that he's a river?
Sounds like an anime plot to me! "Old Man River: How I Discovered My Boss is an 8000-Year Old River God"
Still turns out to be a highschool harem drama, somehow
Damn, I bet that river has more liquid assets than I do.
How about your boss brings in a puppy and everybody who likes puppies has to play with it twice a day?
Anything to keep you from talking about how management treats you or how much you're all getting paid for the same work.