I would ask the genie to introduce me to someone who would be a good friend and help me improve myself, make amends, and grow.
My enemy would get two of these people, and hopefully after a while, she wouldn’t be an enemy, just a someone.
this post was submitted on 03 Jun 2026
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My enemy would get two of these people,
And they hate each other so your enemy is forced to choose and live rest of the life wondering 'what if?'.
Diabolical.
Parents during the divorce.
She doesn’t have enough introspection to form a concept like “what if,” she’s still hung up on “why am I, the main character, experiencing any bad things at all.”
Unless your the asshole in this adversarial relationship, then they still hate you but you’ve made their life better. Which would make you not the asshole, unless you did it only because of a flawed plan. My head hurts
Everyone’s an asshole to someone.
And sometimes people hurt other people, and they hold a grudge against the people they hurt, and perhaps even hate them for it.
Shit’s unfair, humans are messy.
I try to be good to almost but not entirely everyone.
See that’s where we differ, I’m an asshole to everyone! Because I’m the CIA and that’s how we do!
That’s entirely fair, and I apologize for last night, when I took the Shit That Won’t Quit™ and your boss said you’d be docked pay if you flinched away from watching.
Not gonna lie, I was both disgusted and impressed at the same time, kinda like when you drive past a horrific car crash and can’t stop looking
I'm not anybodys enemy. I'm the person you forget you had any interaction with. The kind of person that daily employees still don't know my name after working there for 7+ years.
Beat me half to death
Scare me half to death sounds a bit more pleasant.
Hahahaha
I'd still ask for an unreasonable amount of money.
Too much money ruins your life. Wish yourself enough, and your enemy will be bankrupt or ruinously insane inside of a decade.
This is a lie people like to tell themselves.
I would wish to be forever 18, immortal, and invincible until I decide to die and I say the code word.
I won't tell him the code word.
Revenge is a dish best served with the heat death of the universe
Forever 36 is really not that bad. I'd take it over forever 18.
Actually, you make a good point. I think I would go for like forever 27.
Being 54 would not be that bad, but it wouldn't be a bed of roses. Like, dude would get to experience 800 trillion years of back pain.
If you ask to be half your age, does that make the other guy 1/4th their age or at your current age?
I'd add to make it reverse me back to the age I was when I made the wish and just wish to be 80, just so my enemy is forever 160 years old and is unable to ever enjoy life ever again. Too busy being way past expiration date to be able to do anything while I say the code word and go back to every day life.
Either that, or if it's rules like Omniar and the Snowy Day just hope no matter how old or young I become that the genie can still understand what I am trying to say and just wish to be a day old to heighten the odds they never return to normal and are forever dependent on others for everything.
Wish to have an eight inch penis. Eight is already quite large. Sixteen is a disability.
He gets 2 loose penises, you get one. The police becomes suspicious.
Wish for "blowjobs from my enemy's mother"
Congrats, you win no matter what.
Congratulations, your enemy is getting a blowjob from your mother.
And twice as many.
Get unlimited money and that killer snail that chases you. Same benefit, twice the problems.
If both snails start in different places, they'll still eventually meet up as they converge on you.
After some time it's the exact same benefit and problem.
I'd ask for a healthy brain that keeps me mentally sharp until I die.
My enemy will get 2 brains, squishing each other in his head and killing him instantly.
Well, no, you had a brain, now you got a second. But your enemy has three, I suppose.
buy one of my cajones for $10m
Hell I'll take $20mil for both and buy my testosterone.
Your enemy has just exploded. Well played.
Last time I heard this was 30 years ago, and a man was asking a genie who was going to give his wife double to scare him half to death.